just same changes

2012-01-16T19:23:00.002-06:00

i'm selling my car.

i suppose it is a good thing, but she is going to the scrap yard and i feel a bit like i am selling my great aunt to

an organ harvester.

morbid? yeah just a bit.

but i love this dear old piece of junk.

on our way to TN. i made Sarah drive most always.

Verruca was my first car, a gift from my parents upon my graduation from high school

i was cleaning her out tonight and thinking of all of the memories that have been

made with that silly old car.

such as

on our way to harmony hill! loaded!

just driving down the road..

my first blow out. at night. driving across the country. at night. on the highway.
driving with my dear friend, helping him study (reading and driving is not good) and stopping on the side of the road to smell the hay field.
cramming eight people in to go find some indian food and getting lost in Nashville. oh, the funny part? the three full grown guys piled in the rear facing rumble seat, writing notes to those behind us at stop lights.
rolling the windows and sunroof down, turning the radio full blast (before the speakers blew, that it) and just driving.
always carrying 2 keys since one would always get stuck in the door.
getting lost. often.
the mice that lived in my A/C duct. when i turned it on baby mice and bits of the nest would fall out of the intake. eww! thank you teenage boys for taking care of it!
all the places we went.
burning my legs on the leather seats in July.
the smell when the can of air freshener blew up...it lasted for ever.
the night my parents took me to test drive her, falling in love and then them saying no, only to get a key for graduation.
the talks that have been had in that car.
the prayers and tears that have been had in that car.
the things that have been carried in that car.
the bonding that happened in that car.

just a glimpse of some of the memories that have been made thanks to that crazy, money sucking, wonderful old car.

i know its just a bunch of rubber, metal, plastic, and leather but i am still a bit sad as another chapter of my life ends.

thanks for the memories.

2012-01-07T23:17:00.003-06:00

on the subject of life-

it is all what you allow God to make it. you can screw it up all you want. He is the one that makes it beautiful when you let him.

2012-01-06T23:49:00.001-06:00

He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair.....

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me....

I will sing because I am happy.....

Though none go with me, still I will follow.....

Peace like a river.....

2012-01-06T23:46:00.000-06:00

what do you do when you don't know what to do?

where do you go when you don't know where to go?

how to you leap when you can't even take the first step?

i wish i had answers. i wish God would send me some writing in the sky.

i spent today planning out the next six months of school, work (such as all the million places i need to look for a job at), how i am going to save for a car when i hardly make enough to stay in the black as it is, where my life is going, where my like should be going and generally stressing myself out.

i came to the conclusion that planning is a cursed blessing. sure, i got a few things accomplished. but in the big picture i spend the day going in circles.

job>car>job>school>over and over and over with a few other things thrown in there.

see the circles i have been going in?

and you want to know what it boils down to?

fear. lack of trust. worry.

if Christ came back tomorrow i would have nothing to show for today except how much of the day i spent worrying over things that, in the long run, are not the end of the world.

you know the answers to the questions up there?

you read and pray and trust when you don't know what to do.

you don't go anywhere but to your knees when you don't know where to go.

you follow and He will show you where to leap and how to take that first step.

life lessons..on repeat

2011-11-16T17:26:00.001-06:00

the lesson of realizing "good intentions, in the end, are still just intentions." seems to one of the ones i just can't grasp. i am usually a very get-it-done-no-matter-how-late-or-tired-you-are person. but lately i am a i-don't-think-i-am-going-to-start-that-just-now-but-tomorrow-will-be-a-good-time kinda person and i really am not liking it.

for example: i wanted to do the National Health Blog Post challenge of 30 posts in 30 days. i found out about it on day 4 and didn't get to start it till day 5. i tried to get caught up but it just didn't happen. i did what i could do in a few sittings and was almost there, but then life happened (favorite saying..) and my good intentions became plain old intentions. going nowhere, sitting there and collecting dust. i just kept thinking "tonight i will crank some out" "i'll have them done if i do ____ post today" but oh well..i will just have to try again sometime. until then,

"You can do anything, but you cannot do everything"

day 5

2011-11-05T20:04:00.000-05:00

NHBPM November 5, -5 things that changed my life. For better? For worse? List 5 things that changed your life as a patient, caregiver, or Health Activist and how.

five things that have changed my life? oh boy...

this was Flo AKA- Florence Nightingale.
she was replaced by a newer model. he is purple and is not named yet. any ideas?

my insulin pump- i was around 12 years old when i started pumping, which was perfect timing before i hit my teenage years. eating what i wanted, when i wanted was amazing. being able to eat and THEN bolus without the 30 minute wait between taking a shot and eating?! heaven.. getting up late? YES! being able to stay over at a friend's? finally! my pump was life changing. not only did it improve my control, it gave me the freedom to be a regular kid...teenager...and now adult, just like everyone one else. only i wear my pancreas on the outside.
finding a endo team that lives with diabetes themselves- HOLY SMOKES BATMAN! you know you are off to a good start when your new CDE mentions the DOC and SWAGing at your first visit.
seriously though, having a team that really and truelly understands exactly what you mean when you say "yeah, i was high. my teeth were wearing sweaters and everything" or "today's CGM site was a total gusher." or "forgot to bolus for my ice cream (which was super bolus-worthy, btw) so my bg totally skyrocketed. so then i rage-bolused and was double downing all night which left me with a gluc-over." or "it's a free shower day!" i mean outside the DOC and the select few PwoD who love us, no one would understand anything i just wrote. having the medical side AND the diabuddy side all rolled into one is the perfect combo.
my dog-Agatha

Agatha started alerting to low bgs during the night shortly after i brought her home. she was 4 months old and had been given back to the breeders because she chewed up her owners Persian rugs. it was a all out blessing because i had fallen in love with her as a 6 week old puppy but could NOT afford her. thank God for those chewed up rugs! the breeders called me and asked if i still wanted her. OH MY STARS! YES!

when she first started waking me up to lows i honestly thought she was crazy. i had heard it was possible but not without lots and lots of training. i was wrong. i didn't do anything with her gift until one night i was not responsive to her. Aggie took matters into her own paws. she opened my bedroom door and ran across the house to my parents room, woke mom up and dashed back to me and back to mom. over and over until mom got the point and came to check on me. i was pretty darn low. she has a gift and now we are capitalizing on that wonderful gift. i have been training her myself for the last year-ish (we didn't do much "real" work while she was a "teenager"..for obvious reasons..in one ear, out the other kinda thing) but this year she has done sooo great! i am at the point in training that i feel i have exhausted my resources and need some professional help. hopefully as soon as i raise $600 or so we can go to school in WA. in the mean time, she rarely leaves my side and we are both better because of it. i am more confidant to stay by my self, my family and i are not so afraid of night time lows, though they do still scare me but over all, i sleep better at night with her snoring by my side. did i tell you how much i love chewed Persian rugs??

4. the DOC- if anything, this has been the biggest source of encouragement in my adult years. i stumbled upon Kim's blog when i was at my lowest, diabetically speaking . i was in the middle of some serious burnout and needed to know i was not the only one. i was not the only one who felt like they wanted to smash a meter. i was not the only one who ate everything but the kitchen sink when low in the night. i was not the only one living with this 24/7. boy was i not the only one!

through Kim i found Scott's blog , Kerri's blog , Jess's blog and many others that helped me in so many ways. i hope they realize that they really did change my life. i was able to work my way out of a very long burn out because of what i read, the links i saw, the challenges they posted about. one thing lead to another and now these people are my friends. in real life. and that is life changing. (and i am tearing up writing this!) through the DOC i remembered i can do this

5. Friends For Life- this is where i meet all the people mentioned above and also Sara, C, Brian, Heather and Becca the diabetes alert dog, and about a zillion other wonderful PWD! it was amazing. i heard speakers that are top in their fields of study, ate lots of good food that was all carb counted for me, hung out at disney, shed a few happy tears, and felt normal. i loved hearing 20 different pumps going off during sessions. the fact that most people just looked at their OWN pocket was beautiful. at the swimming pool everyone had sites on their body and no body looked at yours and asked "what is that hanging from your arm?". we were all the same. we all had busted pancreai (what is the plural spelling??). oh and a highlight? i needed a new sensor put in and wanted it in my arm. well i have yet to master the art of doing it myself when you can only use one hand. so i tweeted a message and a few seconds later Jess said she would be happy to. so she did, with about 25 other PWD gathered around laughing and talking and enjoying the bond that not everyone is lucky enough to have. oh and i have the honor of being the first person "shot" by Jess...other than herself of course.

so there you have it. those are my life changers. there are many more such as my family! but that would take a million years to write....

his post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

2011-11-04T17:09:00.000-05:00

NHBPM November 4- What happens after you press “publish.” Write about your post-blog-writing process. Do you immediately tweet a link? Email it to everyone? Re-read it for spelling errors?

hahahaha! this will be a pretty short post! my post-blog-writing process tends to be something like this.

hit publish.
re-read.
re-read again.
sit and think if i said everything that needs said or if i said too much.
sit some more.
re-read bits and pieces to someone and get input.
hit edit a few times while closing my eyes and hoping i don't lose what i just wrote.
depending on my subject and mood i may tweet a link or post it to facebook.
check and see how many page hits i got for a boost of ego and confidence.

there you have it, more-or-less. nothing special. sometimes i don't even do all of that if it is something i just want to get out and be done with....

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

a letter

2011-11-03T16:09:00.000-05:00

i first saw this a few days into to National Health Blog Post Month and thought it would be a fun thing to participate in since it is diabetes awareness month.

since i am starting late i decided instead of trying to get completely caught up i would start on the prompt from the day i first heard about NGBPM. maybe i can catch up from there..to keep record i am going to date this post as thursday, november 3rd, fyi.

Dear 18 year old me. Write a letter to yourself when you were 18. Be sure to tell yourself what to do more of, what to do less of, and what you have to look forward to in the next few (or several) years.

dear 18 year old me,

let me start off by saying I WISH 30 YEAR OLD ME WOULD WRITE US A LETTER RIGHT ABOUT NOW! now wouldn't that be helpful....!

anyway....

congrats on turning 18! that party will be talked about for years to come! especially the fact that a diabetic had an all-out-hold-nothing-back-eat-till-you-are-sick chocolate party..yep, you (we? i? not sure how this whole time travel things works..) totally rock.

but i know 18 was the start of the "worrying years". you worried about dad coming home after 2 years of deployment. worried about graduation and life after, worried about what God's plan is for you. worried about work. worried about your friends that seem to be losing their minds. worried about the fact that you really do not want to deal with anything diabetes related. you worried, but you were excited and expectant too. it is a crazy mix of emotions.

i wish i could tell you the next 5 years get better and that it is all rainbows and happy days.. but darling, it is not. there are mountains to climb, molehills to fret over, battles to fight, fears to face and problems to solve. but, there will be lots of good things too, so don't worry. you will be stretched, pulled, tried, and it is all a beautiful part of God's plan for your (our) life.

graduation will be fun! don't worry, nothing embarrassing happens when you walk across the stage. enjoy every moment of it! it goes so very fast. hug dad a few more times that day. he is having a hard time thinking that when he left you were a little girl still struggling through math and living for the outdoors and how he missed you growing up, learning to drive, wearing make-up and all that goes with becoming an adult.

after graduation you and your best friend will pack up way too much in the back of your volvo (you got a station wagon for graduation. pretend to be excited, 'cause em really does try hard to keep it a secret) and head to TN. you will LOVE every second of working at Above Rubies. living with your bff will teach you many things (and yes, she does marry him) and some of the friends you make will last.

while you are there you will get a phone call late one night, it is mom telling you that she is going to have a baby. be careful running up the stairs to tell the girls, otherwise you will twist your ankle. mags will be born a few months after you move back home. and its the best thing in the world. enjoy every second of it. you will pull these memories out for years to come.

i am not going to lie. those few months between moving back home, moving to the new house and mags being born are going to be the hardest ones you face until you are 23. but you survive and you don't get sent to jail for wanting to kill some people. living in the little house with a pregnant mother, a new friend who needs a place to stay, your dad after not for two years, and trying to figure out your life is stressful. trust me, i know! don't worry about your high a1c, stress does that to us..

in fact, don't worry about it for a while. the next few years will be rough in the diabetes area. you will be totally and completely burnt out. some-days you will test maybe 1 or 2 times, forget to bolus and you will tone out anyone who tries to say something. it's ok. really. you don't ever have an a1c higher than 9, even though its bad...its not the end of the world. you may want to consider exercising a little more. i wish i would have now....really though, it is all a learning process and you will be better for it.

between 18 and 23 a lot happens. life. is. lived! you mess up, you win big, you grow, and you wish you could be 10 again. but kid, you do great! you are the example, you are the leader and so many look up to you because of the fruit they see in your life. really. don't try to understand it, just take it and run with it..and don't forget who is blessing you.

here are a couple tips i wish i would have known:

between then and now there will be several guys that come along. it gets overwhelming but it's kinda fun too. oh..the proposal? yeah, say no and watch what happens when you get here. its pretty funny. there will be some tears cried...but trust me when i say "don't drag it out". say no and let your no be no. got it? yeah me either...
find the DOC sooner! it was a life changing moment when I first read Kim's blog over at http://www.textingmypancreas.com/. one thing will lead to another and soon you will find yourself in FL @ FFL with 1000s of other type 1 diabetics. it will be amazing. you will meet friends who GET IT and it will make a difference in how you care for yourself. YOU CAN DO IT!
don't hesitate so long about CollegePlus! it is great. every bit of it.
your sister will become your best friend.. she will also put in all of your arm sites when you get a cgm. teach her earlier than you think..
make more time to spend in God's word. at some points it will be the only thing that makes sense in your life.
it is hard growing up and still living in your parents house. but it is doable and it is worth it. keep at it. keep smoothing things over. your people skills will be put to good use.
last but not least: stop being afraid. just stop it. do the things you want, say what needs said, have that adventure. just do it.

so, there you have it. there are many many thoughts, events, plans, people and things i left out. those you will have to find out about on your own.

keep your chin and remember, You Can Do It.

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

2011-11-03T15:38:00.000-05:00

i first saw this a few days into to National Health Blog Post Month and thought it would be a fun thing to participate in since it is diabetes awareness month.

since i am starting late i decided instead of trying to get completely caught up i would start on the prompt from the day i first heard about NGBPM. maybe i can catch up from there..to keep record i am going to date this post as thursday, november 3rd, fyi.

Dear 18 year old me. Write a letter to yourself when you were 18. Be sure to tell yourself what to do more of, what to do less of, and what you have to look forward to in the next few (or several) years.

dear 18 year old me,

congrats on turning 18! that party will be talked about for years to come! especially the fact that a diabetic had an all-out-hold-nothing-back-eat-till-you-are-sick chocolate party..yep, you (we? i? not sure how this whole time travel things works..) totally rock.

but i know you are worried. worried about dad coming home after 2 years of deployment. worried about graduation and life after, worried about what God's plan is for you. worried about work. worried about your friends that seem to be losing their minds. worried about love and lack of it .worried about the fact that you really do not want to deal with anything diabetes related. just worried, underneath all those smiles and the excitement.

i wish i could tell you the next 5 years get better. but darling, they are just filled different kinds of battles. there will be lots of good things too, so don't worry. but you will be stretched, pulled, tried, and it is all a beautiful part of God's plan for your (our) life.

graduation will be fun! don't worry, nothing embarrassing happens when you walk across the stage. enjoy every moment of it! it goes so very fast. hug dad a few more times that day. he is having a hard time thinking that when he left you were a little girl still struggling through math and living for the outdoors and how he missed you growing up, learning to drive, wearing make-up and all that goes with it. oh and bring a few extra socks and a new pair of shoes on the trip to Disney World...yours don't hold up so well.

after graduation you and your best friend, Beth, will pack up way too much in the back of your volvo (you got a station wagon for graduation. you love it. it serves you well till you are 23 and it has 300.000+ miles on it.) and head to TN. you will LOVE every second of working at Above Rubies. living with your bff will teach you many things (and yes, she does marry him) and the friends you make will last for a long time...well most anyway.

while you are there you will get a phone call late one night, it is mom telling you that she is going to have a baby. be careful running up the stairs to tell the girls, otherwise you will twist your ankle. mags will be born a few months after you move back home. and its the best thing in the world.

i am not going to lie. those few months between moving back home, moving to the new house and mags being born are going to be the hardest ones you face until you are 23. but you survive and you don't get sent to jail for wanting to kill some people. living in the little house with a pregnant mother, a new friend who needs a place to stay, your dad after not for two years, and trying to figure out your life is stressful. trust me, i know!

it will cause you to start your own business. it is successful, so don't listen to the naysayers. in fact, you will have a waiting list for YEARS!

2011-11-01T12:02:00.002-05:00

today is type 1 diabetes day. a whole day just for me and the 2,999,999 other people living with type 1 diabetes in the nation. today also kicks off diabetes awareness month, and the Big Blue Test leading up to November 14- world diabetes day. on November 14th buildings and monuments from all over the world will glow blue in honor of those living with diabetes. how cool is that!? pretty darn..

this month i will be posting a little bit more about what life is like with diabetes, some interesting facts, and some diabetes truths. if you have a question, just ask! i would love to answer.

oh and watch the video and SHARE! :D

real.

2011-10-19T22:12:00.000-05:00

dearest friends,

i have been overwhelmed and so encouraged by the overwhelming response of my last post.

the emails, text messages, notes, tweets, phone calls and comments you have sent have been such a blessing!

i am always surprised that people read what i write but wow! i didn't think you ALL would respond like you did!

you all are wonderful and each of you have blessed my life more than you know.

thank you for letting me be real with you, to share struggles and disappointing moments.

thank you for being sunflowers in the rain.

*hugs and love*

shay

when it rains it pours...it did rain in real life too. lots and lots of wet mud. anyway, back to the story at hand.

2011-10-15T23:12:00.001-05:00

so....if this post gets long winded don't say i didn't warn you...cuz it's going to be. for the record, i hate doing big, broad posts like this as it isn't very in depth on any one thing. i may or may not at a later date write about some of these things a bit more. i like deep things, ya know.

the past two-ish months have been a roller coaster of thoughts, emotions, adventures, hard things, bad days, stress, sickness, diabetes confusion, hard family times, sad happenings and just general "blah-ness"

don't get me wrong, there have been good things, exciting changes, RAIN!, new happenings, and joy in trials. but overall its been a rough couple months.

some of the low points have been:

my dad lost his job. his contract with the army wasn't renewed so he has been looking for work, though unsuccessful thus far...he is trying not to be discouraged but you can tell its wearing on he and mom and that makes things hard all the way around. men are made to provide, to support their family and when that comes to a standstill it is stressful. not to mention the fact that there is a large family, two farms, bills, etc and none of that stops just because you don't have an income. but i must say, God is faithful in all things and He has been providing in unexpected ways. i just wish a job would come sooner rather than later for papa's sake.
my car officially is no more and sky's car is on the blink. makes it a bit hard to go too far without a car and as adventurous as hitchhiking sounds i don't know as i am up for that kind of adventure.
....the mechanic said it would be about $1800 to fix mine and even then it could go out at anytime..*RIP Veruca..you have been a faithful mode of transportation...even if you were ugly as sin..*
i made the hard decision to sell my dairy goat herd. after 13 years of raising some wonderful, quality lamancha dairy goats, i am now down to three does, and they are leaving next week. i am not letting myself think about it too much, otherwise it might just 'do me in'. i love my girls but with the drought, hay and feed are just too much. with dad out of work and me with my hours cut (see below) there just wasn't any good ways to justify keeping them. i have worked hard to find the best homes i could for them though. often sacrificing what they are worth, money wise, so that they could go to families that will love them like i do. one of my very dear friends took the handful of favorites that i just could not bear to sell and that helped my heart greatly!
it's going to be a strange first year without the craziness that is raising goats. no planning, recording and prepping for breeding this fall, no watching bellies grow through the winter, seeing babies kicking inside huge mamma's, no watching my sweet girls peek their heads out and look at the ice and snow this winter, no more laughing at Ginger hopping from dry patch to dry patch because she WILL NOT get her feet muddy, no more middle of the night checks for laboring does, no more stressful moments of pulling kids and great sighs of relief when said kid is born and all is well, no more watching babies take their first steps and butt around for a teat to nurse on, no more "ping ping ping" of steaming milk splashing into a cold pail, and no more friends in the pasture. its going to take some getting used to for sure. but it will be nice to not deal with stress of sick animals and cost, to be able to go away without having to figure out what to do with the goats and who can care for them. it will be a nice break....once i get over the initial shock of not seeing goats grazing in the field for the first time in 13 years..
singleness is not all its cracked up to be. and its been a harder pill to swallow the past few months. to be honest, i am not content. *gasp!* i know..i know...i know.. i know all the antidotes that are said for such statements but honestly i don't care. it's not like i am going to rush out to the nearest bar and marry the first man i see. not even close! it's simply that i know i am not called to singleness and i am ready for the next chapter of life to start. especially when at one point, it seemed like it was almost in my reach. but it wasn't. i am thankful for such trials of the heart that bring you to depend on the Lord just that much more. He has been teaching me and i can say i have been taking those lessons to heart. i know He is preparing both my future spouse and myself and i am thankful....i just wouldn't mind if he hurried up!
diabetes has been a royal pain. ok, so in the past 15 years its hard to remember a time when it wasn't a pain but its been EVEN MORE so the past few weeks. throwing me curves left and right. and if you know me, you know anything having to do with balls is not my forte. A1C is up .1 since last time, which isn't awful but still discouraging.
not to mention i have had a WEEK of unexplained ketones. when i say unexplained i mean i was spilling ketones when my bg was 89!!!! and for a whole week! i used more ketone strips in that week then i have in the 15 years i have had diabetes! frustrating thing is that all 4 of the doctors i saw or spoke with were just as baffled. i am on day three of not having any and i am happy. i was really feeling crappy! one good thing that came out of that whole thing is that i now have a new endo team and they are AMAZING! (whole separate blog post but both the endo and his wife, who is the diabetes nurse educator, have type 1 diabetes. BOTH! THEY TOTALLY GET IT! i met with the nurse educator ( who is also a d-blogger) yesterday and wanted to cry i was so happy)
my body failed me once again with another likely diagnosis. this time one of PCOS or poly-cystic ovarian syndrome. crap. oh these moral bodies...it just makes me long even more for heaven. i am still sorting out how i feel about this..i have some serious health and lifestyle changes i need to make now so that i can live long and prosper for a long time. but its so dang hard! but this too will be another post when i sort out my feelings on it. diabetes really does effect every area of your life in one way or another.
i am in desperate need of a change of pace. an adventure. something! anyone have any ideas? i am totally open to just about anything. to quote my dear Jo from Little Woman "I love my home but I am just so fretful and I can't stand being here!"
my work hours are dwindling at a rapid pace. see also: I NEED A FULL TIME JOB! once again, if you have any ideas, job openings, millions of dollars you want to give me..i am open.
stress in electronic form. my mom's van transmission when out, her laptop with years of pics, documents, school plans, EVERYTHING (we call it her brain if that tells you anything) crashed and fried the motherboard all in the same week. the van was fixed (read:expensive) and mom's pc is being worked on to get every thing off but wow, that was a stressful few days at our house.
was turned down from the hospital job. bummer! big one.
school has yet to start. with all that has been going on i have not been devoting time to studying like i want to. i feel SO behind and i hate that. my friends are taking mid-terms already and i have not even taken any classes....
my computer is not working right. its making tutoring classes each morning stressful and interesting...hope to get it in as soon as i have funds.

so i think those are the bigger things that i remember right now. there is much more that i could write. things that i have been thinking, dealing with in my heart and head, scheming, battling and praying about. but my eyes are starting to close and my bed is calling. ( so is some ice cream and while you were sleeping or princess bride. oh and agatha is wanting some cuddle time since i left her at home all day!)

thank you for understanding, friends. thank you for praying for me and my family and for all the love and support you pour out. i love you all dearly.

Philippians 4:13-I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.

peace, love and diabetes!

shay

nights like this

2011-10-12T22:22:00.003-05:00

sometimes i am scared to start typing.

because i know that once i start, a torrent of words, emotions, and thoughts will come.

tonight is one of those nights.

there is so much going on in my head, heart, home, life and family right now that i don't know

where to start.

or if i am even willing to let my thoughts become words on a page.

i think for tonight i will say life is beautifully unpredictable in ways i never predicted

and i am clinging to the Rock that is steadfast and sturdy.

the one where i compare texting to a greasy pizza

2011-09-09T09:03:00.001-05:00

in the crazy world of technology and "connective-ness" i feel disconnected.

i feel like i have, in some ways and to some degree, traded personal, deep connections with people for social media and technical relationships. don't get me wrong, facebook, twitter, google+ hangouts, buzz, skype, text messaging and instant messaging are all great for quick check-ins or whatnot but not so much for deep, personal friendships and relationships. i want real life. i want deep. i want personal. not fluff.

i have been relating such things to food. (imagine that, right?)

when compared with a face to face chat over coffee, a phone call or even a hand written letter (yes, people still write letters, and who doesn't love getting something other than junk mail!?) the rest kinda seems like junk food. and one cannot live on greasy pizza alone. you need a salad to go with it. and sometimes, you just need to drop the pizza all together.

that is where i am. i am going on a diet.

i am swapping out facebook and texting (for the most part. i will still be texting, but more for a quick "hey you" than for conversations) for phone calls.

buzz, google+ hangouts and im-ing for hand written letters.

and dropping the rest all together. facebook and twitter will be deactivated after the weekend, so if you would like my email, address or phone number, shoot me a message before monday.

i will still be blogging and if you were to email me, i would defiantly reply. if you text me, i will respond but it might be with a phone call sometimes. after this weekend, life is going to get just a little simpler.

so, if you are local, lets go to the park or go have coffee. ( i am pretty much broke right now so i will be drinking filtered ice water, but i think it is possible to get a caffeine buzz just from the smell...)

lets plan a movie night or a scrabble game.

i know you are busy and so am i, but let's make time.

if you aren't so local or even if you are and would like a handwritten letter or two, i would love to write you! send me a message with your address and lets keep in touch. i have boxes of cards and stationary just waiting to be used! oh and stamps. lots and lots of stamps, 'cause i am a bit obsessed with cool stamps..and buy them even if i don't need them....yeah i know.....

i may even buy some new pens just for the occasion.

2011-09-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

prayer.

changes.

things.

i have been reminded over and over this week that the store houses of heaven are full to the brim. ready to be poured out on those who ask.

just waiting .

i have been reminded over and over this week that God does not force His will or His blessings upon us, He wants us and needs us to ask. (you receive not, because you ask not)

just waiting.

i have been reminded over and over this week that prayer enables heavenly beings to act on our behalf, against darkness. how many times have i had the opportunity to ask God to send angels to fight for me or another (something they love to do on God's behalf ) and failed to do so?

just waiting.

i have been reminded over and over this week that just because an answer does not come immediately does not mean that it is not on its way. the story of Daniel anyone? it took, what? three weeks for Michael to break through the heavenly battle to get to Daniel? what if Daniel had stopped praying and waiting for God to answer after one week?

just waiting.

i have been thinking about these things ( and many more) this week. i have been reminded, reaffirmed and flat out told about the importance of being faithful in prayer.

God is ready, His warriors are ready, the storehouses of heaven are ready!

if i would just seek Him. ask Him. trust Him.

now. today.

there are battles to be fought and battles to be won.

all of heaven is waiting to act. waiting to be sent. ready to answer the prayers of God's people.

just waiting

"Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you." Matthew 7:7

"Finally, brethren, pray for us, that the word of the Lord may have free course, and be glorified, even as it is with you." 2 Thessalonians 3:1-2

"I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.

Matthew 18:18-20

2011-09-05T10:00:00.000-05:00

the weather is glorious this morning.

simply beautiful.

after weeks and weeks of 100* or more, 70* just makes me happy.

it's refreshing.

and it makes me want to

go camping
plan my garden and get my hands dirty
read a book on the swing
throw open all the windows
go for a walk with my puppy
dream
write letters (yes, really)
make a pot of soup with some homemade bread
go play Frisbee at the park
go to the drive-in
clean up around the farm

my favorite time of the year is right around the corner.

of course, knowing Texas, it will be 110* next week..

a girl can dream though.

2011-08-26T20:20:00.000-05:00

some of the best thoughts and prayers are made

over a sink full of hot, soapy water.

tonight i am thankful for a sink full of dishes

a well fed family and quiet time over suds.

2011-08-24T18:20:00.000-05:00

"Travel is highly educational, Sir."

" I cannot do with any more education, Jeeves. I was full up years ago! "

-Jeeves and Wooster

um yes, i was full up years ago...to bad i can't just travel.

here is to the start of a new school year.

cheers!

2011-08-24T18:14:00.002-05:00

{reading old blog posts is like reading my journal. if i kept one that is..}

August 15, 1996

2011-08-23T16:09:00.002-05:00

Me and the siblings after i was diagnosed. i need to find my "before" pictures..drastic difference a little insulin can make...

on august 15th i celebrated my 15th diabetes diagnosis anniversary. 15 years.

the days leading up to my diaversary were great. i was excited to be celebrating such a monumental achievement.

i had wanted to have this blog post done on my anniversary but to be honest, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

i had the chance to talk with my mom about that hot august day when we headed to

Breckenridge Children's Hospital

and also about the days and weeks leading up to that decision.

..and it was tough.

i remembered a lot of things leading up to my diagnosis but talking about it and reliving them in my head was much harder than i expected.

i like lists..lots and lots of lists.

here is a list of some things i remember about my hospital stay and my summer as an 8 year old

i remember none of my clothes fitting. i was a beanpole with skeleton arms and legs..
i remember eating and eating and eating. like the time mom made a tamale? pie in a flan pan and i ate half of it by myself. i felt sooo sick afterwards, but still hungry (i have never liked those flan pans since)
i remember driving to my grandparents house and having to stop almost every 15 minutes so i could use the bathroom...even pulling over on the side of the road to go in the bushes.
i remember wanting to nap a lot. what 8 year old wants to nap during the summer? a sick one...
i remember drinking constantly. milk, water, juice..anything.
i remember being at brownie girl scout camp and feeling sick, thirsty, tired, but wanting to play with my friends. i remember practically living in front of the water fountain and juice bar ( juice constantly! i am surprised i didn't keel over right then!), i remember asking for seconds and thirds of food or eating the other girls food at my table, i remember wetting the bed at camp 2 or 3 times a night. it was one of the most embarrassing things ever, but thankfully i remember my friend amy helping me and the other girls never making fun. i remember drinking the pool water when we had swim time because i was SO thirsty but didn't want to get out and miss the fun.
i remember walking to a friends house and my legs giving out. i sat in her yard for few minutes till she came out and found me.
i remember going to my piano teachers house (pwd for many years) and my mom asking her to test my blood sugar. (it was 370 something)
i remember going to the doctor and having tests run. i think that was the first time i had ever peed in a cup or had my blood drawn. if only i would have known how many more times those things would happen in my life...
i remember going back home after a long day at the doctors and my mom listening to message after message after message of them telling us to come back that night to be admitted.
i remember my mom sending me to a friends house while she and dad talked about what to do.
i remember packing that night and feeling awful.
i remember i packed my favorite barbie doll and my mickey mouse sheets... ( i still have those sheets btw)
i remember arriving at the hospital and being whisked into the IV room..
i remember nearly passing out.
i remember my first finger stick and my mom giving me my first shot.
i remember learning about exchanges and testing, ketones and insulin..
i remember wonderful nurses and a great child's life center.
i remember walking down the hall with my iv pole and a hideous nightgown that i thought was awesome.
i remember giving my first shot.
i remember my mom and mimi crying
i remember crying too
i remember some of the worlds greatest friends coming to visit me. they boys let me give them a saline shot and test their finger.
i remember getting goodies, flowers, cards and balloons from people who loved me.
i remember going home and learning how to wait 30 minutes after a shot to eat.
i remember my first really low low..29...
i remember the day i couldn't get my bgs to come up or even stay at a safe low level and using glucagon.
i remember having to eat when i wasn't hungry or not getting to eat when i was.
free foods
i remember glucose meters the size of bricks.
i remember long needles.
i remember my granddad not being able to come see me at the hospital (also a pwd-1 for almost 40 years)
i remember carrying a jump rope with me EVERYWHERE! a little on the high side? start jumping..
i remember not wanting to eat, take a shot, check etc and my parents being so matter of fact with me that i didn't have a choice but that they wished i didn't have to either. (thanks mom and dad. that was the foundation to my care all these years)

i remember bits and pieces of lots other things but those are the early memories of life with type 1 diabetes.

to be honest, writing this out was a lot more difficult than i thought it would be.

i was only 8 when i was diagnosed so i have now had diabetes longer than i didn't. with being so young when all of these life changing events took place i have never really processed it or even grieved. i know my parents did a lot of that for me. they have done so much in making sure i was able to live life normally, in spite of diabetes. they carried the burden for many years, and i am so thankful for them.

but it was my turn to work through some emotions that i didn't even know i had buried.

i am glad i did.

i can do this. i can live life to the fullest most tip top. i have done this and i have done it well.

i am ready for the next 15 years of life with my ever present side-kick.

blowing off the cobwebs.

2011-08-15T22:44:00.000-05:00

my sister reminded me of these poems...i think i posted them last year but wanted to dust off the cobwebs that have collected on them...they are just too lovely not to share...

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life---
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With a reckless dash of boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then 'mid the falling leaves,
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.
-Lana Lathrop

Before I trust my fate to thee,
Or place my hand in thine;
Before I let thy future give
Color and form to mine;
Before I peril all for thee,
Question thy soul to-night for me.

I break all slighter bonds, nor feel
A shadow of regret;
Is there one link within the past
That holds thy spirit yet?
Or is thy faith as clear and free
As that which I can pledge to thee?

Does there within thy dimmest dreams
A possible future shine,
Wherein thy life could henceforth breathe,
Untouched, unshared by mine?
If so, at any pain or cost,
Oh, tell me before all is lost.

Look deeper still. If thou canst feel
Within thy inmost soul
That thou hast kept a portion back,
While I have staked the whole,
Let no false pity spare the blow,
But in true mercy tell me so.

Is there within thy heart a need
That mine cannot fulfill?
One chord that any other hand
Could better wake or still?
Speak now—lest at some future day
My whole life wither and decay.

Lives there within thy nature bid
The demon-spirit Change,
Shedding a passing glory still
On all things new and strange?—
It may not be thy fault alone—
But shield my heart against thine own.

Couldst thou withdraw thy hand one day
And answer to my claim
That Fate, and that today’s mistake—
Not thou—had been to blame?
Some soothe their conscience thus; but thou
Wilt surely warn and save me now.

~by "Miss Procter"

2011-08-13T23:47:00.000-05:00

something good is coming...i can feel it.

one of my favorite verses

2011-08-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

*all credit goes to one of the most darling blogs around- out of alabaster- check it out*

blue candles

2011-08-12T12:18:00.001-05:00

i couldn't sleep very well last night. not because i wasn't tired but because my mind would not shut off...

in 3 days i will be celebrating my 15 year mark with diabetes. it's not always been easy but in 15 years i have never had a seizure, been in DKA or had any serious problems.

i am so thankful for all of those things. especially when i see blue candles. it hits close to home so much more now that i am older and understand that no matter how hard you work at keeping diabetes in check, sometimes it has a mind of its own.

you see, the blue candles are in remembrance of two young girls that passed away this week due to diabetes. one who didn't wake up the next morning and one who had a stroke.

it hits close to home when you have so many people you care about with diabetes, friends, family and friends who are like family. not to mention myself...there have been scary middle of the night lows, times when i couldn't even call for help or wake myself up fully. i know for me, i tend to down play diabetes a lot. its just a part of life, no big deal.

until you see blue candles and realize for a moment that it is a big deal. that families are grieving losses that should not have been lost. and it makes me sad.

so i light blue candles and pray for the families that have lost so much this week.

american idol

2011-08-01T20:47:00.000-05:00

i am trying to figure out how to load the video of my brother, Gabe, singing for the american idol tryouts last week. he came in first and is moving on to the next round of tryouts in a few weeks.

oh and during a break in the auditions, my four year old sister Mags got up on stage and sang a song...we have another one in the family....

hopefully i can figure out how to load both videos! they are both awesome.

2011-08-01T19:34:00.001-05:00

Part 1

*ok, I am finally sitting down and writing about all things diabetes..life got insanely busy the week i came back from CWD-FFL, almost a month ago! lemme tell ya, it hasn't stopped! but i am making time to write before i forget everything! (impossible to forget everything but it sounded dramatic) *if this seems a bit choppy and pieced together, well, it is. it has been written over several days and many interruptions. please forgive me*

first of all, i have to say, i miss all my new friends immensely! it has been so fun reading blogs and twitter and FB posts because after meeting these amazing people, i hear their voices in my head (in a good way!) when i read their writing. trust me, it makes it even better.

i am going to start at the beginning. (*sings* let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...)

my mom was involved in CWD when it first started, shortly after i was diagnosed, when it was a few families needing support, new information and a place to vent. (DOC!) i remember looking at the website (oh how far it has come) and thinking “wow, these kids are just like me!”and it was awesome!

as much as we wanted to, we were never able to attend a conference but it was on our list of things to do. but over the years CWD faded out of the picture for our family, and by the time is may have been a possibility again, attending a conference was not on my list of priorities. heck, diabetes wasn't really high up there either....and so years went by, a1cs crept higher, and i kept on pretending...then through a moment of diabetes

SICK AND TIRED AND COMPLETELY FED-UPNESS

i found the DOC. the first blog i found was kerri's , kerri led me to jess who led me to kim and it spiderweb-ed from there.

suddenly i wasn't the only one.

i wasn't the only one who was up dealing with midnight highs or cgm trouble or wondering where to hide my pump in a dress. there are friends who get it!

my in real life friends and family try to get it. they really do and they are great at it! they know when i am slurring words and need some juice or that me snapping at them was most likely a high talking. my sister helps put my cgm in hard to reach places and always has an ear out for middle of the night alarms..they try really hard and i love them for it.

but sometimes you just need “your own kind”, other people who have busted pancreas' (will someone please tell me the correct plural form?), who have been around the block a time or two..or 50 (who's counting?)

enter CWD, again. i pulled the url from the dusty recesses of my mind and logged on, curious to see what was going on in the world of Children With Diabetes. WOW, had that website changed! there were thousands of members, international conferences, study reports upon study reports and i must say i was a little overwhelmed! i clicked on some of the conference reports from years past and was amazed. then i got excited. i decided i wanted to go. what better way of celebrating 15 years of living with D than to go FFL!? i can't think of any!

.....until i saw how much it was going to cost. there was NO way i could ever afford that. no way, no how....

drat....Scratch that....Oh well..maybe next year...

then i found the Diabetes Scholars link. i checked it out and was excited that maybe i did have a chance of going after all. but as i was reading the requirements i started thinking there was no way i would be picked. i had been in diabetes burnout for years, pretending that i didn't have it! there was no way they were going to pick me over someone who has been advocating, participated and working hard to do the best they can! Sigh

i debated with myself for weeks...mom and every other person i talked to kept saying i needed to just do it, the worst they could say was no...but i just kept procrastinating....and procrastinating...and a little more procrastinating..

it was two nights before the deadline to have the three essays submitted and i was up with a nasty high while everyone else was asleep. so i started writing and writing, the words just gushed out. i felt better.

even if i never submitted them (i was still debating at that point) i felt better. i had my mom and aunt read them the next day, made some corrections, rewrote them once and then again until i was satisfied with my work.

i submitted my essays the day of the deadline...and then promptly forgot about entering.

speed ahead a few weeks- i was at work, wrangling some goats and little kids in the hot texas sun, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. i regained order with the livestock..oh and the kids, and pulled out my phone. one new email, “ congratulations! you have been selected to received a scholarship to CWD-FFL 2011!” NO WAY! NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY! AHHH! I WON!?!? REALLY!??!

i was shaking with excitement as i called mom..and everyone else i knew to inform them that i had won!

*disclaimer* i was not asked to blog about CWD-FFL or the Diabetes Scholars Foundation. the thoughts, words and opinions are all mine.*

2011-07-28T07:42:00.000-05:00

dearest blog of mine, i promise i have not forgotten you. life just got a little out of hand when i got home from FL, with all the craziness with buddy (grandpa). i promise we will reconnect very soon. i have a whole week off next week and still have so much to tell you. i miss you!

love,

shay

could not have been better....CWD FFL 2011

2011-07-12T14:55:00.005-05:00

i have sat down to write this post about 12 times in the last 36 hours...and can't seem to get the words out (the tearing up doesn't help either).

how do you sit down and explain the life changing impact a group of strangers had on you?

how do you use words to express what it feels like to walk into a room full of adults with type 1 diabetes and hear more than one pump alarm going off and EVERYONE looks down at theirs?

how can you tell someone about the most amazing group therapy session ever? what was a scheduled talk on transitions as adults with T1 ended up being about 12 or so of us sitting in a circle, passing tissues and totally understanding what the last person just said. totally understanding. that doesn't happen often...people try to relate, to help and comfort as best they can, but in all honesty, it's nice to just be with people who get it.

how do you write about how cool it was to go swimming and see EVERYONE with a pump site or sensor hanging off their arm, leg, back, whatever? not only that, but how after we did the cha-cha slide and cupid's shuffle in the pool everyone had to get out and test! not just me!

how can you put into words the feelings of excitement, joy, nervousness, and sheer bliss upon meeting some of the people that helped get you out of diabetes burn out via their blogs?

the encouragement, information and support i found in the blogs of Kim (hers was the first d-blog i found), Scott , Kerri, Jess and so many others was 100% better in real life! it was great to meet the people behind the computer and to know that they are the same in person and online....AWESOME! not only that, but getting to be part of their group was even better than just meeting them! zee bloggerz rock! ;-)

how can you relate how a group of people, many who had never met in person, became Friends For Life in a week?

the answers to all those questions are, i can't. at least not right now. i am still so overwhelmed that i can't quite get the right words out. maybe tomorrow..or later in the week..after i collect my thoughts and rein in my emotions a bit better..but for now, here are some pictures of some of my new friends for life.

at the banquet

my sweet roommate Kristen

Sara and I at the pool..funny faces thanks to Brian splashing us

pic from Sara

farewell breakfast...fighting back tears

Tweedledee and Tweedledum..and George and Scott

all the adults with type 1. best ever!

more to come...lots more to come! so many memories and stories.

2011-06-07T08:53:00.003-05:00

*stress*

2011-05-27T19:54:00.000-05:00

my pictures are gone! where did they go?? all the pictures i posted yesterday have disappeared ! pooof! grrrr.

2011-05-26T17:50:00.000-05:00

I didn't hear you say you're sorry
The fault must be mine
I wish you all the best of luck
At finding somebody more like you

You said you'd love me always, truly
I must have changed
Cause you don't need me like you used to
I hope you find somebody more like you

I hope you finally find someone
Someone that you trust
And give him everything
I hope you meet someone your height
So you can see eye-to-eye
With someone as small as you

You came out of nowhere, made me smile
Then tore me in two
Saying, "We're very different people"
So dear, I hope you find somebody more like you

I hope you find somebody more like you

2011-05-26T17:44:00.000-05:00

ok, so i just spent the better half of 2 hours looking at old pictures! totally was trippin' down memory lane..and i will be honest, it hurt a little bit. times change and so do people but i am glad that memories are forever. (unless of course someone jogs your memory...then you can't remember breakfast yesterday or your name...)

anyway! today and i am thankful for pictures and the memories that go with them.

i hope to create so many more....

2011-05-26T17:38:00.001-05:00

*love*

2011-05-26T17:34:00.002-05:00

i miss these people...

funny how life has a way of changing...

2011-05-26T17:32:00.001-05:00

my wonderful cousin and his beautiful wife.
we just found out they are having twins!
i am so excited for them!
*still trippin' down memory lane...*

2011-05-26T17:29:00.001-05:00

my very best friend sarah and i..we have a million pictures of us together...and a million more of us getting ready in her bathroom...
*trip down memory lane..*
sarah is now married with two precious children and golly i miss her now that our lives are so crazy..
we used to spend several weeks together during the summer, talking, swimming, and just being.
*sigh*

2011-05-26T17:22:00.001-05:00

two of my favorite pictures of myself

*they are few and far between, trust me*

oh to be 18 again. 18 was a great year. i miss it.

*they are few and far between, trust me*

2011-05-26T16:57:00.001-05:00

i was looking at some pictures from last year and found these.
oh how i love these people!

bluebonnet pictures

2011-05-20T21:35:00.000-05:00

sisters!

beautiful siblings

we loved the wheat pictures! they were almost better then the bluebonnets.

goofy picture of sky and i trying to keep our eyes open in the bright sun.....notice mine are still really squinty...

back among the living

2011-05-20T20:55:00.000-05:00

i have thought about blogging and talked myself out of it countless times over the past month and a half..why i talked myself out i dunno. but here i am and with so much to tell you! life is constantly changing and i am still learning to go with it.

so where to start, where to start?

my poor car finally died. all dead. no more mostly dead. dead as a doornail (where did that saying come from anyway?) as you can imagine it has put a damper on my social life....oh right, i don't have much of one anyway..ok, it has put a damper on working. big time. and without work its kinda hard to buy a new car, ya know?

but as always, i shouldn't worry..... i was excited to start training for a new job with Homeschool Friend in march, at least i think it was march. anyway, HF as we will call it, is an awesome program that works with Korean students who want to learn English! it is all online via an online classroom. the students are all in Korea and i am in my bedroom. i teach 7 students in a 1:1 class tuesday-friday. its great! the only downside is that with the time difference i start classes at 5am...yes, in the morning! the first week it was easy to get up, the second week..not so much, the third week was better and i am glad that it is becoming a habit to get up when i need to. so for now it is holding me over while i look for more things i can do from home.

next: i will "celebrate" my 15 year anniversary of being a diabetic this august. i have also been in a terrible burnout when it comes to diabetes. so i applied for a scholorship to Friends For Life Diabetes Conference in FL . I had to write three essays talking about my biggest challenge in living with diabetes, my community involvement, and what i hope to gain from going to the conference. *side-note: i have found i really love to write once i start..and never fear, i do use punctuation and all that jazz when writing something important ;) anyway, i wrote it with the full expectation of not winning. i have never won ANYTHING in my life! but guess what? yep, I WON! i am getting to go to fl. july 5-10th for a week of all things diabetes and disney! i am sooo excited i can hardly contain myself!

next: friends are wonderful and such a pain all at the same time.

next: i painted my bathroom and bedroom. no more yucky purpleish pink! its a lovely green that goes oh so well with the brown. love it!

next: rainy evenings when you are sick with a cold are the best times to blog. its a well known fact.

next: i am in love with pushing daisies. its too bad i can only watch one or 2 episodes a week....

next: i have never read "Farewell to Arms" and never want to. just an fyi.

next: my hair is now past my shoulders. hurray me!

next: i want to read some jeeves and wooster.

next: i can't remember what else i wanted to say.

next: i love you!

2011-04-06T22:52:00.000-05:00

"love is willing self-sacrifice for the good of another that does not require reciprocation or that the person being loved is deserving."

2011-04-03T20:40:00.000-05:00

crazy...

happy....

simple...

complicated....

beautiful...

lonely...

frustrating...

exciting ....

adventurous...

quiet...

awful.....

changing....

peaceful....

blessed....

wonderful....

LIFE

2011-03-14T23:15:00.000-05:00

gone but not forgotten......

is basically how i feel about this dear blog...

i have been just way to busy with other things in life.....

but i did want to show yall something since i promised i would show pictures......

so here is it.......

my mom, sisters, aunt and i all did henna art "tattoos" this past weekend when aunt was here for a visit...

fyi: henna is a herbal dye that colors your skin a very pretty burnt orange-ish brown....and lasts for a couple weeks....oh and yes...my fingernails are black..with pink polka dots...only you cant see the pink in the bad lighting.... :-P it was a fun weekend for sure...

highs and lows..

2011-02-17T17:51:00.001-06:00

i have been dealing with unexplained highs every night this week. thanks to 300 and 400s i have also had ketones every night. (why is it that the work "ketones" is not in the spellcheck dictionary?) blel! thanks to the extra insulin for highs and ketones i end up low in the middle of the night.

i am trying hard not to be too frustrated with my CGM but it has only caught one of those lows, my parents and my service dog in training caught the others.

just another reason i still live at home. i am not a fan of

the high-low coaster...and the very groggy and tired feeling i have once i get off the darn thing!

i am hoping diabetes plays nice this weekend as it is my birthday and i

have lots of fun things planned!

2011-02-15T16:30:00.003-06:00

good intentions are still just intentions.....

and i have lots of good intentions....

but i am going to work on making those intentions

actions.

2011-02-14T09:34:00.001-06:00

happy singles awareness day!

buy yourself some sunflowers and a coffee

and dance to some of your favorite music cause its

just that kinda day

giants...in smaller forms...

2011-02-02T18:07:00.000-06:00

the countdown to my birthday has begun. in a mere 16 days i will turn 23. in some ways i am facing a few giants on that day, but to my joy some have already been defeated for me.

giant #1: ever since i graduated high school -no, even before that- i have dreaded turning 23 because i lose medical insurance. being a college student with a very minor income AND no insurance, AND very expensive med supplies is not a pretty combo in my mind. to say that i have stressed, prayed, figured, and worried (lather, rinse, repeat) is an understatement..

everything that my parents and i had tried to figure was still going to cost more then i had and there just was no easy answer. military insurance is just plain awesome and nothing was even coming close. last thursday i had what was supposed to be my very last pedi-endo appointment (yes, i am 22 and yes i still see a pediatric endocrinologist. it's rather funny when i check in and go sit in the little brightly colored chairs and watch cartoons..tehehe) with the best Doctor in the whole wide world! i adore my Dr. S. She is just super duper fabulously wonderful and i was on the verge of tears about this being our last visit! till my poppa called with some wonderful news! he had found an extension program for military dependents with chronic illnesses that will cover me for 36 more months! THAT'S 3 YEARS! same insurance, same Doctor, same everything!

God is just so amazing!

giant #2:

so most of y'all know from either talking with me or reading my blog that singleness has not always been (ok, almost never) a place of contentment for me. almost all of my local friends and *all* my childhood friends are married with kids, and while i enjoy being "auntie shay", i just felt like i was being left behind and really struggled with it.
till a little over a week ago. something just kinda clicked. my attitude did a 360*. i am happy to be single. i have such great opportunities to serve, help and love in ways that i couldn't were i married. and that made me HAPPY! do i want to get married? oh yes. want a family? oh please! but not right now. i am happy to be where i am. i have growing to do first. i have things to do, places to see, degrees to finish, people to help and life to live. i am content to let friends be friends, couples be couples, singles be singles and most of all God be God. He knows far more then i do, and His plan is far better then mine could ever be. in that area and every other, even if that means being single for a year, 10 years, or even the rest of my life. i am 100% ok with that. the feeling of release was beautiful. and so another giant in my life bites the dust.

wahoo!

2011-02-01T20:17:00.000-06:00

"Wahoo?"
"When's the last time *you* said Wahoo?"
"Well I'm *sure* I don't know."- I.Q

I went "wahoo" tonight! I love seeing a big brown truck pull into our drive because there is almost always something for me! Between school books and diabetes supplies anyway..but both are fun. Anywho, it was diabetes Christmas for me cause insurance approved a new CGM transmitter for me! WAHOO! Mine has been on the blink and I wasn't sure I was going to be able to get another one. God is always faithful.. :-D

more beach

2011-02-01T15:14:00.000-06:00

Blue Crabs...(male and female)

*sigh*

Sunrise on the pier

Baby sand crab

Dickens on the Strand and Sunrise on the beach

2011-02-01T15:06:00.002-06:00

Shells..

Skylar and I at Dickens

Sisters!

Family Christmas Picture

Sunrise on the beach.

It was one of the most wonderful mornings I had in a long time.

So calm and beautiful

I loved getting to be one of the only people on the beach that morning.

and the world spins madly on...

2011-02-01T13:56:00.001-06:00

Happy first day of February! Can you believe I forgot I had a blog till a few days ago? Yeah...just a few bigger priorities I guess. When I disabled Facebook, and almost all of my other social networking outlets, I though I would have more time for blogging. Guess not!

January was a busy month and one full of changes, both big and small. At the beginning of the new year I decided that this was going to be a "back to the basics" year for me. One of my biggest goals had been to regain control of my diabetes. After years of playing at being a "normal" college student I bit the bullet and have been working much harder at doing all the little things I know I have to do. I am proud to say that after only a month of working at it my daily blood glucose (bg) average is down about 20 points! I still have many months of hard work ahead but I was so encouraged by that! I also have been wearing my sensor almost constantly AND HAVE NOT HAD A SITE IN MY BELLY FOR 3 WEEKS! That is huge for me! I have always preferred my stomach area for all my sites, shots, and sensor for almost 15 years. You can't imagine the scar tissue I have managed to build up...yuck! I have been enjoying reading the blogs from some people over at the DOC and was inspired to try putting my sites on my lower back and hips...wow! I can't understand why I was so scared to try it till now. I haven't had a single problem wearing them back there, even with my sensor that is a little annoying to wear. Although, I have had to ask for help inserting and taping them...which I also NEVER do. I have always been very independent when it came to giving myself shots, finger sticks and inserting sites..oh well.

I also went to a diabetes support group meeting last night! Its been years since I had any want to do such a thing. I even went by myself and only contemplated running out the door one time! ;-) I was a little disappointed when I walked in only to see about 25 men and woman over the age of 60! Great...all type 2s...*sigh* I sat down anyway and was trying to listen to the CDE talk about pumping..and to not roll my eyes..when I heard a pump go off. Of course I looked down to check mine and then looked around the room to see another 20 something girl doing the same! I wish I could relate to you the excitement that was on both of our faces! There is just something about meeting people that know exactly what you are talking about. Don't get me wrong, my friends and family try very hard relate but its hard to understand what it feels like when my bg drops too low or the frustration of rolling over on my pump only to have it vibrate an alarm and scare me awake. Anyway, I was glad I went, and even more glad to talk "diabetes" with someone who had been living with it as long as I have.

Speaking of living with it for so long, August 15th will be my 15 year anniversary! I remember that day so vividly. Wow.. So in "celebration" I am planning on going to Friends For Life Diabetes Conference in Orlando! I am applying for a scholarship and trying to figure out some fund-raising so I can go! Here's hoping!

Golly this post got long and diabetic-y :-p. Guess I will just have to blog some more later..

2010-12-31T16:00:00.000-06:00

Christmas ~ the most wonderful, magical time of the year ~ is over once again. How quickly the holiday months fly by! I always suffer from such a melancholy state of being after Christmas and leading up to New Years. Not wanting to get back to real life, and not wanting to put away the decorations or Christmas music just yet, I'll simply continue to bask in the joyful glow of Christmas and all that it brings.

.......'till next week anyway. Then its back to real life and school and work and chores and early mornings and studying un-enjoyable subjects like math and microeconomics and no more long hours pouring over books and crafts...and putting away the Christmas explosion that happened in our house... *sigh*

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T17:13:00.000-06:00

As with gladness, men of old
Did the guiding star behold
As with joy they hailed its light
Leading onward, beaming bright
So, most glorious Lord, may we
Evermore be led to Thee.

As with joyful steps they sped
To that lowly manger bed
There to bend the knee before
Him Whom Heaven and earth adore;
So may we with willing feet
Ever seek Thy mercy seat.

As they offered gifts most rare
At that manger rude and bare;
So may we with holy joy,
Pure and free from sin’s alloy,
All our costliest treasures bring,
Christ, to Thee, our heavenly King.

Holy Jesus, every day
Keep us in the narrow way;
And, when earthly things are past,
Bring our ransomed souls at last
Where they need no star to guide,
Where no clouds Thy glory hide.

In the heavenly country bright,
Need they no created light;
Thou its Light, its Joy, its Crown,
Thou its Sun which goes not down;
There forever may we sing
Alleluias to our King!

2010-12-21T20:30:00.000-06:00

while i am totally loving all the songs on Dave Barnes new Christmas album, this one is my favorite. Ok, its in the top three since i can never have just one favorite...other two coming...enjoy!

2010-12-21T20:28:00.002-06:00

another favorite...

2010-12-21T20:20:00.001-06:00

last but not least....

2010-12-21T20:09:00.000-06:00

Checklist for a lovely pre-christmas night:

Dave Barnes Christmas album blaring with favorites on repeat: check!
Cookies made and being eaten by the handful: check!
27 different craft projects going on...at once: check!
Hot Cocoa steaming hot: check!
A/C cranked down: .....grrrr.....c.h.e.c.k.
Wonderful siblings walking around singing 6 different songs: check!
Feeling soo blessed: CHECK!

2010-12-20T18:27:00.000-06:00

there are five days left till christmas and for some ridiculous reason, it was 72* today! i could have worn shorts! it should be cold and white! ugh...someday i want a white christmas. of course, knowing texas like i do, it very well could produce a blizzard on christmas and a hurricane on new years....

2010-12-20T18:19:00.000-06:00

life is much too short to not stop and smile at the little things.
slow down.
wait up.
walk.
laugh.
create.
praise.
cry.
play.
sing.
read.
pray.

enjoy every breathe He gives you. life is much too short to not.

random musings..

2010-12-18T19:18:00.000-06:00

prayer and study of His Word. i don't know why i forget to feed my spirit with the nourishment that comes in those forms, but i do. i don't know how i can forget the peace and clarity that fills my soul even when life is so confusing and messy, but i do. thank you God for constant reminders. in little moments that i see You, in the words of a Christmas song, in a sunny day, in the messy smile of a child, in the beautiful poetry of Psalms, in the tears that come with change and growth. Lord, thank you for running after my heart.

my heart longs to be lost in You forever.

Glorious Day

2010-12-12T21:01:00.001-06:00

We sang this song in Church today and I just love the powerful story it tells. I am so blessed to have such a Savior and so undeserving to be loved by such a man as He. I praise Him for his goodness and cannot wait for His return. I pray that I will be found faithfully waiting, with great anticipation on that Glorious Day!

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

Living, He loved me
Dying, He saved me
Buried, He carried my sins far away
Rising, He justified freely forever
One day He’s coming
Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
And took the nails for me

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now He’s ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One, bringing
My Savior, Jesus, is mine

2010-12-12T20:30:00.000-06:00

A Woman's Question
Before I trust my fate to thee,
Or place my hand in thine;
Before I let thy future give
Color and form to mine;
Before I peril all for thee,
Question thy soul to-night for me.

I break all slighter bonds, nor feel
A shadow of regret;
Is there one link within the past
That holds thy spirit yet?
Or is thy faith as clear and free
As that which I can pledge to thee?

Does there within thy dimmest dreams
A possible future shine,
Wherein thy life could henceforth breathe,
Untouched, unshared by mine?
If so, at any pain or cost,
Oh, tell me before all is lost.

Look deeper still. If thou canst feel
Within thy inmost soul
That thou hast kept a portion back,
While I have staked the whole,
Let no false pity spare the blow,
But in true mercy tell me so.

Is there within thy heart a need
That mine cannot fulfill?
One chord that any other hand
Could better wake or still?
Speak now—lest at some future day
My whole life wither and decay.

Lives there within thy nature bid
The demon-spirit Change,
Shedding a passing glory still
On all things new and strange?—
It may not be thy fault alone—
But shield my heart against thine own.

Couldst thou withdraw thy hand one day
And answer to my claim
That Fate, and that today’s mistake—
Not thou—had been to blame?
Some soothe their conscience thus; but thou
Wilt surely warn and save me now.

~by "Miss Procter"

a beautiful poem by a sweet friend.

2010-12-12T20:18:00.000-06:00

Hannah had such a beautiful way of saying some of the very same thoughts that go through my mind and i just had to share.

Poem of a Hopeful Romantic
Before my pen aside I lay
I’ll put it to this page to say
I hope and pray for you each day
That God may guide your steps my way

Oh how I long for you to know
That I already love you so
I cannot wait till it may show
That day, Dear, when you’ll feel its flow

I’ll keep it, Darling, just for you
This love so strong and ever true
I hope the days till then are few
When we’ll be one, no longer two

But if the waiting days be years
I ask you pray for me, my dear
That in the waiting I’ll not fear
But trust in God above will cheer

Farewell for now, my future knight
Though yearning soon to see your sight
May you and I to God cling tight
As dreams of “someday” bring delight
-Hannah M.

2010-12-12T19:30:00.001-06:00

2010-12-09T23:36:00.000-06:00

i wanted to blog tonight, and then decided i didn't feel like it. then i started typing this and well, this is blogging. how crazy is that? hehehe. life has been a little hectic the last few days, and week. prayers would be greatly appreciated.

you know that feeling of remembering first thing in the morning the list of ideas you have thought about while you were sleeping? and then by the time you get up and brush your teeth you forget everything? yeah, well that's what happened to my blog post ideas..

this is my 100th post. can you believe it? i can't...i just wish i would have put more here...there are so many stories yet to tell.

well, goodnight world...sleep well.

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...

2010-12-02T23:30:00.000-06:00

bright and early tomorrow morning, we are heading for Galveston Island for Dickens on the Strand! i adore going, the sights and people, and singing, and oh! It just feels like Christmas.

From the Dickens website: Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Be it decreed that all lords, ladies and children shall come and celebrate the 37th Annual Dickens on The Strand, a holiday festival, where bobbies, Beefeaters and the Queen herself will be on hand to recreate the Victorian London of Charles Dickens. Characters from Dickens novels walk the street. Food and entertainment fill the area with sights and smells that take you back to another era.

be on the lookout for some wonderful pictures! my whole family is dressing up and going. (with the exception of dad. poor pop)

lip job

2010-12-01T21:41:00.000-06:00

i have a huge fever blister on my top lip....

"its makes you look like you got a really bad lip job" -Sky

thanks sis...

2010-12-01T20:26:00.000-06:00

what can i say? once an army brat, always an army brat.

2010-12-01T19:06:00.000-06:00

"Somewhere out there, there is a man just waiting to get fat" - My dad on the topic of my cooking and being single...Thanks poppa..:-D

2010-11-30T22:44:00.001-06:00

Just saw three shooting stars while feeding animals tonight....happy ending to a happy day.

2010-11-28T11:23:00.001-06:00

calling all my photographer friends! if you are interested and willing to help with a christmas gift shoot me an email and i will give you details. nothing to big, just an idea i have.. thanks!

thankful

2010-11-25T22:11:00.000-06:00

i am blessed. my family is wonderful. my God provides. we are thankful.

a random selection of pictures from this year..

2010-11-25T19:46:00.000-06:00

Kate and I at Harmony Hill this past Summer

Caroline and I waiting for our clothes to be done..

Em and I..

Beautiful siblings...if only Caleb was looking!

This is what CP! students do for fun when at the Farm

And in Austin...

uhh...yeah..

inside innerspace caverns...hence the crazy eyed look..

2010-11-25T00:42:00.000-06:00

over the holidays i plan on redoing my blog a little bit. if you like what you see, comment, and i may just keep it that way =)

2010-11-24T23:32:00.005-06:00

oh my stars! i have to tell yall about the weepies asap! hmm maybe tomorrow...

2010-11-24T23:17:00.003-06:00

after losing my long post about my crazy day yesterday i decided to just sum it up.

worked
ran late to test
found parking spot after much prayer
was charge half of what the new proctor fee is cause i am loved
broken servers and a crazy long line at the testing center but because i had an appointment (take note people. that's what calling ahead can do) i got to go to the front of the line
30 minute wait for a computer.
loud keyboards typing away and gum smackers were making me nuts
tested with 45 minutes to spare!
passed with a 63
now have 70 credits
car broke down 3 times yesterday, bringing me to tears the last time
darn car
went out for chinese cause my poppa is awesome
got lost for 30 minutes on our way to CC family night.
flopped on my bed with a long sigh
slept like a baby
woke up this morning and started cleaning and cooking
just stopped a little while ago
love you all
heading out

i want this shirt!

2010-11-24T21:37:00.001-06:00

found at old navy...in xxs..who in the world wears an xxs? that size should not even exist.

2010-11-18T17:38:00.002-06:00

November is National Diabetes Awareness month. A time when people who live with Diabetes day in and day out want to get the word out about this disease and to also raise money for a cure.

Yet all I have heard about is this month is Type 2 diabetes and it makes me kinda mad. Yes, I know that there is a Type 2 epidemic in America, but that is mostly due to self inflicted problems. Really America, you can almost always reverse Type 2 if you are willing to put the needed work and changes into it!

People with Type 1 don't have the luxury of popping a pill a few times a day and watching what you eat.

No, we have to live with a little bit more then that. Multiple insulin injections a day and finger sticks galore, and if you are lucky enough to be on an insulin pump, great, but that means infusion site changes every 3 days and welts that make your belly look like its polka dotted, just to name a few things.

So instead of showing the stories of middle aged, overweight people with Type 2 Diabetes on the Evening News, why not show the stories that will make people want to donate money to find a cure? Show the 8 month old who's parents have to give shots and finger sticks to multiple times a day while they all just want to cry, or the toddler who just won't eat but who's blood sugar is low, and the 8 year old who can't have a piece of birthday cake because his sugar is too high, or the parents who go to bed in fear every night that their teenage son may not wake up in the morning because his sugar went too low. Seriously, these are the stories that need a cure. The stories that cannot be changed any other way.

“Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

2010-09-14T22:51:00.003-05:00

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.

I need Thee, O I need Thee;
Every hour I need Thee;
O bless me now, my Savior,
I come to Thee.

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
Temptations lose their power when Thou art nigh.

I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
Come quickly and abide, or life is in vain.

I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.

I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
O make me Thine indeed, Thou blessèd Son

pressing onward and upward

2010-09-14T22:42:00.001-05:00

i have come to that point. the point in the life of all college students where they really just want to stop. stop everything. no more late night studying. no more instantcert. no more essays. no more math problems. no more books. no more highlighters. no more computer. no more tests. no more. i have reached a plateau. i do not want to pick up another test book. at all. not the best way to start off the school year, i know. but i will press on. there is nothing else to do. i have worked hard to get this far and there is no going back. pressing onward and upward.

2010-09-14T21:47:00.002-05:00

and 2 1/2 months go bye.......

yes, i know. i am a terrible blogger. i promised pictures and stories of our trip and i come back once again, empty handed. you see, the problem is that all of our good pictures are on my momma's computer and she does not let any of us "kids" on it. ever. so i must wait till she burns me a cd..maybe it will happen this year...but until then you will just have to keep waiting. it will be worth it though.

summer is coming to an end, my friends. so very quickly too. i am happy that fall is on its way and with it comes sweaters and crisp days, pumpkin spice lattes and a good book. oh i can just feel the happiness that winter months bring and i am glad.

some highlights that i am looking forward to this fall: october brings lots of new faces to bartlett as we host a collegeplus! camping week. my sisters friend is coming down from ky to stay with us and my momma's friend is coming from ohio. our dear friend is getting married and the wedding promises to be gorgeous *makes reminder to find a dress!* and my dear sisters 13th birthday.
and november brings my sisters 19th birthday, the weepies concert and of course thanksgiving. oh i cannot wait.

summer was a busy one this year. and hot! we broke all kinds of heat records, unfortunately. it was one of those summers where it is too hot to even swim....
some summer highlights: our trip to harmony hill singing school. going up north to see so many sights and wonderful family and friends. an over abundant crop of plums, peaches, grapes and pears, we have so many jars of jams, butters, candied items, and wine we shall be set for many a months. new kittens, a few sad deaths on the farm and many blissful nights under the stars. i know that there were many other small moments, good and bad, that made up our life this summer but those are the main things.

God has been teaching me some things about myself that i am very thankful for. how is it that we humans get so caught up in day to day things that we forget the big picture sometimes? He has also been showing me that good intentions are still just intentions. its been interesting.

so tell me about your summer highlights and what you are most looking forward to this fall. go ahead.

Vacation!

2010-08-06T10:12:00.002-05:00

My family and I just got back from a two week road trip! We went up to Ohio to visit family and attend our family reunion that we have not been to since I was a toddler. Along the way we stopped to see friends in Memphis, Nashville, Elizabethtown, Ripley Mississippi, PA, Madison, Niagara Falls, and several other places. I can't wait to tell y'all all about it!

Forgotten things...

2010-07-03T16:52:00.006-05:00

I was visiting with a friend the other night about being single, and about not being single and where the balance is of looking forward to the time in our lives when we have someone but not letting it take over our conversations and thoughts. Anyway, later on that night, as I was mulling over the conversation, the Lord brought to mind some habits that I have gotten out of the habit of doing.

Such as:

Instead of daydreaming about having a man, spend that time more wisely and pray for my man. Wherever he is...
Every time I start thinking about how ready I am to move into the next phase of life, write down 2 things that I am thankful for today and one goal that I need to work on, then really work on that goal. My current goal is budgeting better and the 2 things I am thankful for in my life today are: being able to stay up till 2 talking to my brother and not having to live alone when it storms.
Instead of complaining that all of my "local" friends are married and I am the only single one, call, text, write or email one of my married friends and encourage them in their marriage. Cause it ain't always a bed of roses... =)

Those are a few of the habits I need to get back into again. I know that I will be blessed and I pray that I can also bless those around me by not focusing on me so much.

School stuff......

2010-07-03T15:06:00.006-05:00

Ok, so here is my catch up post! I really need to stop getting so behind....

First things first: School... I started having coaching calls again. After going on my own for so long it is sure nice to have Amy to talk to again! I sure did miss her!

I have one more CLEP to take and I will be a Junior! I am soo excited! If all goes according to plan I am hoping to actually go to NJ and graduate with my "Class". It would be sooo fun if it works out!

As of now I have completed:

03-10-2009 Analyzing and Interpreting Literature
03-25-2009 History of the United States I: Early Colonization to 1877
04-16-2009 History of the United States II: 1865 to the Present
05-12-2009 American Government (Failed. Have to retake in November)
06-02-2009 Western Civilization I: Ancient Near East to 1648
07-14-2009 Western Civilization II: 1648 to the Present
08-04-2009 Social Science and History
Intro to Sociology
Intro to Psychology
Educational Psychology
Human Growth and Development
Natural Science ( Failed by one stupid point!)
Biology
English Comp with Essay (I stressed so bad about this one and yet I received my highest test score yet!)
English Lit.
American Lit is in progress. And so is Algebra.....I remember why I hated math so much...
Making for a grand total of: uhh lots of credits! =) *don't really want to count'em up..*

We are having a CollegePlus! Camp-out in Texas!!! Oh! I am so excited to get to meet all these dear friends that I have made and come to love! It is going to be sooo much fun! It is going to be in October and we will probably be having it at our 120 acre farm!

2010-07-03T14:01:00.002-05:00

I realized the other day that I am going to miss my single years. Crazy huh!? But it is not that I will miss being "single". No, it is that I will miss this time when it is just me and the Lord.

A few weeks ago I was reading 1 Corinthians and got to chapter 7, verse 34.

It reads: "There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband."

I started thinking about my job as a single woman and how much I need to be using this time of my life to fully and completely serve God. Not that I won't serve Him as a married woman, but when you are married your focus changes a bit. It made me sad to think of time that I have unintentionally (and I admit, intentionally) wasted. Time spend daydreaming when I should have been praying. Time spend reading wedding magazines when I should have been reading my Bible.

But I was also excited that its not to late to try again. I don't know the timing of the Lords will. I could be single for another 4 years or 4 months but either way I want to spend it caring for the things of the Lord differently then I have been. I just wish I knew for sure what that means for my life, but I know that he will (and is) continue to show me. At least I know where to start...

2010-07-02T11:05:00.001-05:00

Praise the Lord! It is still raining! Slow and steady, drop by drop, cool and quenching. I am thankful for rain today.

2010-06-30T23:37:00.003-05:00

Hi my dear long lost blog,

I have soo very much to tell you. But I am a little brain-dead tonight...so much school, you know. But after this test tomorrow, Oh the stories I have for you.

* God and Singleness and my life
* School, school and more school
* CP! Gathering plans
* Harmony Hill
* Graduation
* Stressing about insurance...again....still....
* and several other things that my poor little brain can't remember...

It will be great to finally tell you all about it.

Missing you,
Shay

My new favorite song...and group.

2010-05-20T23:05:00.002-05:00

Family

2010-05-20T21:28:00.006-05:00

I have spent the last week going through family photos so that I could put together a slide show for Sky's graduation ( Graduation was last weekend but I am just now getting this posted) and found some really great pictures of days gone by...

Mom, Dad, Sky and I..look at the matching dresses we all have on! Talk about the 90s!

I am not really sure what kind of face I am making here....sneezing maybe?Grease Birthday party! Why did I ever stop wearing such red lipstick? Ya know, I worry about us sometimes....
Oh the awkward years...not so pretty.....

One word sums this one up.....ragamuffins...or maybe hillbillies...
My graduation day family picture. Oh how I love all those people!
Family vacation, we were in Louisiana I think. Mmmh GUMBO sounds really good!
My beautiful sister!

I love these senior pics of Sky! They are just fabulous!
One of my favorite baby sisters =)Thoroughly Modern Millie!
Can you tell we are related? Yeah just a bit...

Sisters!
Sky and I at the ball...We love how I am holding a camera...in the 1800s..

Those are just a taste of all the wonderful pictures I have found. I am so thankful for memories and so glad that the Lord gave me such wonderful people to share them with.

Sad day =(

2010-05-10T18:01:00.003-05:00

I have found out through trial and error that I am allergic to my baby. *Giggle* How many people ever get to say that and it be true? After 2 weeks of itching, sneezing and snot I decided to pass her on to someone else. I debated with myself the whole way to deliver her but after a sneezing fit that produced a bloody nose I decided it was defiantly time. =) I think we will both be better off.
I sure did not want to risk making myself allergic to all my other babies with my immune system compromised..... But boy was she fun! I would totally do it again in a heartbeat and hope to someday raise one all the way to release. How fulfilling would that be?

The really neat thing was she acted like a kitten and a puppy!

She loves/loved to play and wrestle. That is one of the hard parts of raising a singleton, no built in playmates.

Oh and on another note, we have been working like mad in preparation for Sky's graduation and party this weekend! Where does the time go? It has been really fun looking through old pictures. Once I get them all on my computer I will have to post some! I am sure you will chuckle.
I had my 12th baby goat born today...can you guess what it was? Yeah, a buck. He now brings the buck count up to 10!!!!!!!!!!! Please just shoot me!!!!! =)

Oh baby

2010-05-06T15:53:00.003-05:00

Can you guess what kind of baby this is? She is 3 and a half weeks old and is cute as a button! Any ideas?

Happenings

2010-05-01T00:15:00.004-05:00

My dear Blog,

No I have not forgotten you. Sorry if you thought I did, but I have been busy living my abundantly full and slightly hectic life. I thought I would post a few highlights and low points from the past few weeks to catch you up.

The boys and their baseball team made it safely to FL and have been doing very well at the Homeschool World Series. They play on Saturday for 5 place out of 28 (I think) teams. WAY TO GO CHARGERS!
The little buck, who we named Tucker, died after a very long week of almost consent care. Poor little thing.....
Came to the conclusion that my cat is pregnant. And for the record, yes I did just claim her after months of saying "NO she is not my cat!".....my poor parents..... =)
I found out just how much I hate, loath, despise and abominate cows. Namely, the one called Betty that I have had to milk everyday...
I finally took my English Composition with Essay exam. While I won't find out my scores for several weeks I am very confident that I passed.
I got to hang out with my dear friend Kathryn this week! We went on a picnic and were swarmed by ugly ducks. Such adventures!
Oh! I have been working out everyday.....and my arms are in a constant jello-ish state.
The wildflowers are fantastic this year and I have no less then 4 bouquets in my room daily!
Went to see Alice in Wonderland a few weeks ago.....dreadful movie....don't waste your time or money.
All my bees died over the winter (thanks to, snow. cows. and gravity)..and I am just now cleaning up the hive....
We now have 23 goats and 10 of them are BUCKS! dash it all.
Cicada, my horse that I have raised from a foal, is finally ride-able enough for younger siblings to be on! E.J. did have a lesson in spooked horses and trees but neither are worse for wear.
I am considering being the "Momma dog rescue" person for our local shelter as the current one is moving and I just can't bear the thought of them putting a dog to sleep just cause she is pregnant. My poor parents.....=)
My cat bit my nose and I probably should have just put an earring in the hole and been done with the whole thing ;-P
I finally cleaned my room.
Mags has grown and changed so much the past month, it is so amazing to watch her grow. And crazy to think mom was my age when I was Mags age! Oh, husband where art thou?!
I only have a few more CLEPs left and then its on to DANTES!
I am considering getting my Masters...we shall see when I am done with my BA...
Our pool is no longer pea soup green
My dad lost his job a couple weeks ago. Please pray that he finds something sooner rather then later.
I recently did a photo shoot for my sister's best friends, Senior pictures. They turned out so good. I had really forgotten how much I loved being behind a camera
I got hired to do a family session. Praise the Lord for more income!
I am getting tired of things dying. For 2 weeks in a row I have had a goat die. That never happens. Like ever. All my animals live way past the average age and are totally healthy. Just ask my dad, he will tell you everything lives past its welcome at our farm.. But this week one of my best purebreed show goats died. Long story but we ended up rushing her to the vet in the back of my Volvo cause dad has the truck, she died at the vets. He did a autopsy and found a huge tumor that had enveloped many of her organs. He did find 2 kids but they were to small to ever have made it anyway.
I think I am finally tired.
I am now going to bed
Goodnight, world.

2010-04-19T17:47:00.003-05:00

For the first time in my 12 years of raising goats I have a special needs kid, two in fact. But one is doing much better then my little guy.

But this was the first! First. In. 12. Years. Totally not happy about that fact...

I now am getting way to attached to a sweet, helpless, tiny, one eyed baby. Yep, he was born with only one eye. He is the smallest of triplets (all boys btw) that were born yesterday. Their Momma had late pregnancy toxemia and was on 'round the clock care so it is not surprising that there are issues. Poor little guy was so weak he could barely nurse and was quite dehydrated. Its crazy how fast a little one can go down...

He has the cutest ears (half lamancha half boar will do that) and is so tiny and with only one eye and a big under bite, he melts my heart. Oh and Aggie's too. She has totally adopted him and thinks he is just the cutest pup...er..goat she has ever seen =) and that equals lots and lots of slobber baths..

But still.. I really did not want to have to be up every hour tube feeding a baby although anyone should know that the more needy, helpless, rejected, and unwanted they are the more I love caring for them =) So now I have a one day old, one eyed, dehydrated, tiny, crossbreed buckling living in my room. My parents just love when I bring the "livestock" in the house! =P I just hope he gets better fast so that I don't have to be up every hour with him..I like my sleep you know ;-)

Oh and he does not have a name yet. So if you have any ideas pass'em on! I hope to get some pics up later so you can see just how adorable he is.

CIA sisters...aka goofing off in the kitchen while making dinner

2010-04-14T20:13:00.004-05:00

Back story: I have a keen eye for anything (ANYTHING) out of place in my room, bathroom, car, ect. I know exactly how the bobby pins on the counter looked when I left the bathroom, what pens were moved on my desk, and what sister stole my flat iron without even looking. And Sky has a sharp mind and tongue =) Anyway, I know if someone has been in my stuff or in my room so I knew as soon as I got home that Sky had showered in my shower. Here is a bit of our conversation about it.

Sky: "Oh hey, I forgot to tell you I showered in your shower today."
Shay: "Yeah I know. I could tell someone was in there. The toys were moved..." **
Sky: "The CIA should hire you".
Shay:"Yeah I am just that good. They should hire us!
Sky: "Yeah, we could be like, the CEO of the CIA."
Shay:"Cause together we would be unstoppable!"
Sky:"Totally, cause you're OCD. And ADD and I am like, totally, FBI ( Fun, beautiful and intelligent) =)
Shay:"We could rule the world".....
Sky:"with this thumb". (movie quote: Ratatouille)
Both: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA

**No I do not play with toys in the shower! Mags does.

Photos

2010-04-13T23:41:00.002-05:00

Photo collage from the past 2 years. Enjoy =)

Awesome speech

2010-04-11T22:50:00.001-05:00

2010-04-10T16:02:00.001-05:00

weekend+rain+graduation party=weeding. lots and lots of weeding..

Good Friday Thoughts....on Saturday

2010-04-03T20:13:00.003-05:00

I wanted to get this up last night but I fell asleep before I could even get the internet up.

My sister and I went through the interactive Stations of the Cross last night at our church and I must say, my mind was flooded with thoughts about the first Easter. For those of you that don't know what the Stations of the Cross are, I shall try to explain.

The Stations of the Cross, also known as The Way of the Cross, or Via Dolorosa, trace the journey taken by Jesus on the last day of His earthly life. In 14 stations you travel with Jesus from the moment he was condemned to death until his body was laid in the tomb. It is an experience. One that has helped to make Easter, The Cross, and the fact that my Savior is ALIVE more dear to my heart. Along this journey you get to encounter the thoughts and prayers and burdens of others, and you also get to leave some of your own. This is a journey of heavy thoughts, maybe some tears, and much prayer and meditation as you get just a tiny glimpse of what Christ went through. The way you interact with the stations is new every year, though the meaning of each one stays the same, and I think this years made the biggest impact on my heart.

Ok, so as I said there are 14 stations along the way. Each one has something to do, watch, listen to, write, read, (usually some scripture pertaining to that station and some questions for you to think about) and consider. I am going to try to give you an idea of what each station is and what was involved but some are a bit hazy.

Station 1: Jesus is condemned to death.
At this station we were asked to pick up a back pack, after we read several long verses of scripture, *filled* with rocks and carry it with us till we get to the Cross. The heavy load represented the burden Christ now had to carry with His death order. The sins of the world. My sins.

Station 2: Jesus receives His Cross.
At this station we were asked to examine a rather large cross. How heavy was it? How hard would it have been to carry it after being beaten to a pulp. Those kinds of things. Then take a marker and write (your name)'s sins on the cross. Like: Shay's sin. How much heaver would it have been now? Having every sin ever committed and that would ever be on your shoulders.

Station 3: Jesus falls under the weight of the cross for the first time.
This station was one that you just sat down and read some scripture and prayed at. It had a cross that had fallen over and drops of "blood" around it.

Station 4: Jesus meets His mother.
This station is rather hazy. But it was something about what Mary could have been feeling. Seeing her son in such pain. And what Jesus thought when he saw his mother. Something like that. You were supposed to write down one feeling for each.

Station 5: Simon of Cyrene helps carry the Cross.
At this station we watched the video posted below. After we watched it we were asked to write a circumstance where we could have/ should have carried someones cross for them and didn't. BAM! Guilty of that one. Then we were asked to pray and ask the Lord to give us an opportunity to help someone carry their cross.
This station was the one that hit me the hardest. Why? I am not really sure, but I sat there and wept for several minutes. Maybe it was the thoughts of how, if asked to carry the cross for Jesus then and there, I would have run away. Oh how I would have shied away from such a task. Forgive me, Lord!
*sorry for the Spanish subtitles. it was all i could find*

Station 6: The face of Jesus is wiped.
At this station there was a "bloody" rag, and pictures of people who needed to be loved and cared for. Homeless. Hungry. Poor. Sick. Hurt. Abused. Abandoned. We were asked to pick a picture group and pray for them.

Station 7: Jesus falls a second time.
This station is rather hazy too. If I remember correctly it was a picture of Jesus falling but the picture was in pieces.

Station 8: The Women of Jerusalem.
This station had several pages of text to read about Jesus telling the women of Jerusalem not to weep for Him but for their own sons and daughters. We were then asked to write the name of a person we knew that was not saved and write a prayer for that person.

Station 9: Jesus falls a third time.
This station we watched a video clip from The Passion.

Station 10: Jesus is stripped of His garments.
At this station we were asked to think of all the things clothes are to us. Labels, status symbols, ect. But in all honesty they are nothing more then coverings to hide our nakedness. We were asked to stand in front of a full length mirror and imagine being stripped of everything. How humbling. *One year we were asked to leave a piece of clothing. That was a hard thing for me to do. I realized how much harder it would have been to be asked to leave EVERYTHING*

Station 11: Jesus is nailed to the Cross.
We read a poem written by someone from our church and hold a hammer and nails. The poem was awesome and I wish I had a copy to put here!

Station 12: Jesus dies upon the Cross.
This station showed another clip from The Passion. I have yet to watch that movie in full. It was hard to think about that dark moment in time. We were then asked to write a few lines in a journal about our thoughts.
While we were watching the clip (ok, this off topic but funny for all you CP!ers. Every time I have typed out the word C-L-I-P is has ended up clep. Each time. Every time. hehe) there was a preacher speaking about how Christ is the Lord of your life. How he died for EVERYONE that has ever breathed. How great His love for us is. Anyway, that is not even close to what this message was about. It made me want to cry and raise my hands to the King. It was really good and I hope to find out who it was and add it to this post, so be on the look out for said changes.

Station 13: Jesus is taken down from the Cross.
This station was lit only by candles and I could not read it. Sorry.

Station 14: Jesus is laid in the tomb.
This station we went into a incense filled tomb. It was dark with only a few candles lit and flowers and herbs scattered about the very small room. We were asked to sit beside a linen wrapped "body" and think about all the things we just went through. All the things Jesus had gone through and how we can rejoice because this was not the end. That Christ is alive and will return. It was very realistic and powerful to think about.

Then we ate the Lord's Supper and spent some time in prayer. It was once again a very powerful and very thoughtful time. I gained much food for thought for this weekend. Going down Via Dolorosa and experiencing just teeny tiny bit a softened my heart to the Lord's will for my life. If He did that for me, I have a few things He has asked me to do for Him that I have been putting off. So those are the Stations of the Cross. I am so thankful that we go to a church that puts this on every year. It has defiantly strengthened my walk and I am glad.

Happy Easter friends! Christ the LORD has risen! He Lives! Praise HIM forever!

2010-04-01T00:06:00.001-05:00

“I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!” Dr. Seuss

2010-03-31T22:09:00.002-05:00

So I had a nice long post going and lost it. After my day today I really don't want to start it over...

Ever have one of those days that you just want to be over as soon as possible? Today was one of those days. Golly, even this week was one of those weeks....

This past weekend was a girls weekend while the boys were at the State Homeschool Baseball Tournament, which was nice except we had to milk the cow.

I hate cows. All cows. I hate milk too. Especially when a sister (who shall remain nameless) squirts it all over my feet. Oh and I hate cow slobber.

I like goats. Nice calm goats. Baby goats. Not cows.

Anyway, the horses broke the fence down. Well let me put it this way. The horses stepped over the very lame thing we call a fence and Cicada had a fun time letting the billy goats out.

The goat who was not supposed to be pregnant had a baby.

Sky and I got quite sick. I had ketones and felt terrible for longer then I cared too. Any kind of sickness really messes with my diabetes....bleh!

E.J got hit in the mouth with a softball and chipped, cracked, and broke several teeth. Not a good thing, especially when you are 12. She was able to have them all repaired though. Just pray that the bonds hold.

The sewage line backed up all over my bathroom and onto a small part of my carpet. The plumbers took 2 days to get out here and fix the problem so we were without water for 2, almost 3 days. Not fun. At all.

And last but not least, running Mali (E.J.'s rabbit) to the vet a few times. Poor dear, She had to be put to sleep today. E.J was really sad.

So yeah, long week. Can't wait till its over. Sorry to be so melancholy....