while i should have been packing tonight, i have been day dreaming. now i don't often let myself just sit down to think and dream. but i did and it was lovely. i learned tonight that dreaming does have it's place, within reason, and that sometimes it is just what the doctor ordered.

i am in a flurry of excitement and packing with only one week until i board the plane to head to FL for the best week of the year! So many friends are getting to come this year and i am beyond thrilled that i am joining them for the second year in a row! yay!

struggling

sometimes, just once in awhile i wish i could share diabetes with someone for a day. not give it to them, just let them try it on for size. then maybe they'd understand just a little. understand that the reason i am sitting in the car while everyone else is cleaning up is not because i am being lazy and getting out of work. it's just because my world is literally spinning around and the only thing i can think of is juice and sleep. understand that i snapped not because i am rude or upset but because being high creates feelings i can't control. diabetes has had the upper hand the last few weeks and i hate it. 

i hate it. 

i don't want it anymore. i want to be done with highs, the lows, the pricks, the pills, the weight that just won't come off, the sites that itch, the sensors that hurt and bleed, the tubing that is a magnet for doorknobs and the brain power it takes EVERY DAY. without end.

 i am just having a crappy time. it won't last, i know. but right here, in this moment its real and hard and really hard. 

Thankful for SOLDIERS and FAMILIES who serve and selflessly leave their homes, their extended families, their comfort, their possessions and follow orders every day!!!
Family members who have served.......
Major Bobby S. Nicholson, Steve D. Bodak, Sr., John B. Bodak- USS Argonnaut, James Bodak, Andrew Bodak, Edward Lohr, Charles Lohr, David C. Nicholson, Corporal E-4 Steve D. Bodak, Jr., CSM Randall Johnston, William C. Sale, Sgt. E-5 John Raymond Bodak, Rex David Nicholson, 1Lt. David Bodak, LTC John Frink...with many others I've forgotten or never known! 

Friends who have or still are serving........
CSM Rodney Caesar, SFC Dick West, Marcus and Morgan Luttrell-brothers and Navy Seals, Bill Henderson, Fred Yakush, Carl Dooley, Joseph Laehu, Richard Pine, Dan Baumhardt, Richard Bartosh, Clint McWhorter, Stewart Taylor, Robert Boone, Steve Burzlaff, Frank Morrisey, SFC Tom Hordnes, Patrick Schanley, Jesse Pratt, Peter Schrantz, Jonathan Moss, Col. Kirk Eggleston, Jesse Steltzer, Dennis Coker, Michelle Smith, Patrick Buckley, CPT Keith Herzog, Seth Hill, Jesse Brewer- Navy Seal, Micah Ables- West Point, Katherine Hill, Drew Schroeder, Alan Martinez, Patrick Morrisey and many others. We honor you today and every day!

#DBlogWeek-Day 4-Fantasy Device/Little Things

Today let’s tackle an idea inspired by Bennet of Your Diabetes May Vary.  Tell us what your Fantasy Diabetes Device would be?  Think of your dream blood glucose checker, delivery system for insulin or other meds, magic carb counter, etc etc etc.  The sky is the limit – what would you love to see?

there have been some awesome ideas running around the DOC with today's prompt! some companies should take note. Kim over at Texting My Pancreas had one of my favorite ideas. A Bigi instead of Siri. oh yes! 

when i was younger i always wanted a meter that would let you play games on it. if you were within range for 5 consecutive bg tests you got one life star kinda thing. last year i saw that childhood dream come to life. Bayer Didget has something very much like my idea. *i even have one to play with* 

then as a teen i thought how cool it would be to have a meter that could double as a cell phone. iBGStar, anyone?

these days i tend to want things like an artificial pancreas and seemingly little things that will make life just that much easier. while many things are in the works, the FDA is a little slow on the get it done-ness...

the APP is something that excites me because, like many others, i don't expect a cure in my lifetime. honestly, i am ok with that. while i hate that so many people live with Type 1 Diabetes, and many more are diagnosed daily, for me the promise of a cure is a little far fetched.  what i want are things that will help us right here and right now. low suspend for our pumps, better accuracy for our meters, faster acting insulin, smaller CGM "harpoons", and an Artificial Pancreas. those are my Fantasy D Devices. seemingly small when the sky is the limit, but life changing nevertheless.  

*disclaimer-ing: none of the companies i mentioned above asked me to blog about any of their items, nor do i have any benefits by doing so...not that i would mind it. :) * 

#DBlogWeek-Day 3-One Thing to Improve

Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at.  Today let’s look at the flip-side.  We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!

i am pretty sure i am not the only one who had trouble picking just one thing. sometimes, well most times, i feel like i am terrible when it comes to diabetes control and care. there are so many things i could improve on..on yesterdays post i listed some things that i am not so good at...remembering to bolus, changing sites regularly (i DO rotate faithfully though) checking before i start my car...not halfway down the drive, logging..you name it, i prolly need some work on it.

but one thing i would improve would be testing first thing in the morning. somehow when my alarm goes off at 5:30 everything but testing enters my head. i know i really need that starting number, especially since my students don't really need a low and sleepy teacher...

goal: test every morning for one week (baby steps, right?) before i put my feet on the floor. 

one great thing-day 2

 One Great Thing - Tuesday 5/15
Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly!  Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes.  Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well! 


hmm well....fasting Bg checks? nope. remembers to bolus for everything? nope. takes meds on time and daily...sometimes. never forgets pump on the bathroom sink while leaving for work? well...nope...doesn't over treat lows? yeah..not. logs? you mean like writing down bgs or cutting down trees? well, either way its a big fat NO. though cutting down trees might be the more likely thing to happen. 


after a running discourse of all the things i don't do and kinda feeling like i am a pretty lousy PWD sometimes, my sister came up with "most likely to have every supply you could possibly need at any point in time" yeah, pretty true. i over pack. i am over prepared for anything diabetes related. i can supply all my friends with at least a days worth of supplies when i travel.  

so my one great thing is i am totally prepared about 90.2% of the time.