while i should have been packing tonight, i have been day dreaming. now i don't often let myself just sit down to think and dream. but i did and it was lovely. i learned tonight that dreaming does have it's place, within reason, and that sometimes it is just what the doctor ordered.

i am in a flurry of excitement and packing with only one week until i board the plane to head to FL for the best week of the year! So many friends are getting to come this year and i am beyond thrilled that i am joining them for the second year in a row! yay!

struggling

sometimes, just once in awhile i wish i could share diabetes with someone for a day. not give it to them, just let them try it on for size. then maybe they'd understand just a little. understand that the reason i am sitting in the car while everyone else is cleaning up is not because i am being lazy and getting out of work. it's just because my world is literally spinning around and the only thing i can think of is juice and sleep. understand that i snapped not because i am rude or upset but because being high creates feelings i can't control. diabetes has had the upper hand the last few weeks and i hate it. 

i hate it. 

i don't want it anymore. i want to be done with highs, the lows, the pricks, the pills, the weight that just won't come off, the sites that itch, the sensors that hurt and bleed, the tubing that is a magnet for doorknobs and the brain power it takes EVERY DAY. without end.

 i am just having a crappy time. it won't last, i know. but right here, in this moment its real and hard and really hard.