living. loving. changing. learning. growing.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

online goes offline...CP! edition!

i am still basking in the memories of my week in MN, the time spent with some of my favorite friends and the thrill of actually meeting them face to face!

i have been blessed with some amazing friends through CollegePlus! but most of them i have never met in person. two of my favorite friends are from MN and when they told me they were planning a *huge* gathering of 30-something CP! students and their siblings, i knew i had to go.

time went on and funds, as they tend to do, had to go to things other than plane tickets and time off work...i was really, really bummed. i had been wanting to meet my friend Britt for years and same with India...years, it had also been about 3 years since i last saw Aaron, not to mention the bunch of other people i wanted to meet, but i just couldn't seem to come up with enough money for a plane ticket.  but being the wonderful friends they are, Britt called me one night and told me she needed me to take off work for a week cuz she and Aaron had figured out a plane ticket and i was coming! eeek! talk about excited! i don't think i said anything to her for several minutes.

fast forward a couple weeks and i had taken 2 trains, a light-rail bus, a couple car rides and 2 planes and was standing on the curb waiting for Britt to pick me up from the MSP airport! we were on the phone trying to figure out where the other was and when she pulled up we both were a little in awe. it was so great and kinda nerve wraking, seeing your bff who you have never met just feet away from you jumping up and down! :D

it was amazing! we got in the car and just kept looking at each other while saying "you're really here! in the car with me!" such fun! we went to Whole Foods to grab some dinner and then she took me to Centennial Lakes which to this Texan who hadn't seen green since spring was next to heaven. it was so nice. they had things like warming houses for when you ice skate on the pond. it freezes solid. *mind blown* we sat on the swing and talked for a while...until we realized we were late for the baseball game we were going to! oops! 

at the baseball game we met up with Aaron which was just as much fun as meeting Britt, minus the squealing. i had met Aaron about 3 years ago when he came to the CP! event we had out at my farm. since then we have become great friends and it was a blast seeing him again. the baseball game was fun and rather quirky and  even though i was ready to fall over tired i had a blast catching up with friends..ooh! i tried cheese curds for the first time. lemme tell ya, i am hooked! yummy! 

that was just the start of a really great week, with some amazing memories and quotes...oh the quotes..

can't wait to tell you about the rest of the week! stay tuned for part 2! 

Sunday, July 22, 2012

love speaks the same language

this past week has been a whirlwind of late nights and early mornings, laughter and the giggles of little girls, broken English and google translator, swimming, swimming and more swimming, some rollerskating, frog hunting and dog "training" rib eating and movie watching, learning to cook Korean foods and teaching how to cook American foods, music and coffee, dress-up and dolls, homeschooling discussions and prayers and lots of eating and napping! 

you see, this week we have had a very special family here visiting us and enjoying all things Texas.

 for the past couple of years, i have been Shay-Teacher, teaching English as a second language to Korean children via an online classroom, for a company called HomeSchool Friend. The K sisters were some of my first students and by far my favorite. i have met lots of their family during class and they mine, and we have talked about meeting for many, many months. Sarah (9)  has talked about my family everyday in class for a very long time, she knew all the names of our pets, family members (including Mimi and Grandad), what we like to do, what our house is like and much more, without ever having been here. i am pretty sure some days she knew more about what my family was doing than i did. she has talked about coming to visit, swim, and sleep in my room and this past week her dream came true. Sarah, Grace (5) and their parents came for a week long visit to my house. 

leading up to last week we were unsure what to expect. as much as i love and know Sarah and Grace in the classroom, we weren't really sure what the family was going to be like, since the Asian culture is so different from ours.our worries were for naught, as it turned out to be the best, most enjoyable week for both families. 

our families quickly learned that love speaks the same language. God knew a long time ago that we would all be instant friends with many heart connections and it was confirmed over and over again.  Mrs. K and my mama loved to drink coffee and look at all mama's homeschooling books. books in English are very expensive and quality reading material is hard to come by in Korea so when mama brought out all of her books she is giving away Mrs. K could hardly contain her excitement. we will be shipping about 3 boxes of books to them! what a blessing! they also enjoyed talking about childbirth and rearing, schooling, and all things mothering. it was very neat to hear just how much they did things the same way. 

dad and Mr. K enjoyed beer and ribs, baseball and  karaoke-Mr.K was a great karaoke singer!- and lots of discussion about Korea and America and the time they have spent in both countries.  it was great to see them so relaxed and able to enjoy each other's company very much. 

Mags, Sarah and Grace spent the week becoming very close sisters. Mags and Grace said they were twins and acted like it! they are so much alike it was almost scary! they swam 2-3 times a day (the girls were amazed that we have a pool), played Mother-Sister-Sister (that is what they kept calling "house"), jumped of the trampoline for the first time, ate ice cream, watched classic Disney movies, went roller skating, played Candy Land until Mags got tired of Sarah winning, dressed up, painted nails, read books, rode horses, and many other wonderful things. they girls were so excited to be here and it was wonderful to see how fast they felt at home. 

a great treat for both Sarah and i was getting to have class in person! i loved getting to sit with her and really have time to dig into what we are working on. not to mention there is so much lost in online schooling. she learned more in the last week than i have been able to teach her in months! it was wonderful to watch her grow and open up. Grace really enjoyed trying to teach me Korean. i butchered it for the most part but she would clap her hands and tell me to do it again...wonder where she got that from...she told me that "Grace-Teacher teaches Korean and Shay-Teacher teaches English". we all laughed at her antics all week...quite the silly goose, i'd say.

last night we took them to a local BBQ joint that serves dinner "family style". we found everyone cowboy boots and they thought it was the best thing ever! Mr. K kept saying how fat he would be if he stayed here much longer! on one of our trips to town Mr. K remarked how amazing it was that everyone in Texas waves when you pass them on the road. he said people in Korea wave...but it is usually with only one finger! :D we sure laughed about that! (he was quite the comedian to say the least)  

we had one of our regular music nights while they were here, with a BYOPizza and ice cream dinner. they were in awe at how many people came to our house and what a wonderful group of musicians we have. Mr. K said they could all become "movie stars" in Korea being able to play so many different instruments and sing so many different kinds of songs.

by the end of the week, we all agreed that the K family really just needed to be our neighbors. there is something to be said about two families, living across the world being able to become the best of friends.

no one wanted to leave our house today and there were plenty of tears to prove it. hugs, kisses, i love yous, and farewells took a long while after we loaded their car up. everyone held up until they were about 20 feet down the drive, then the flood gates broke. from the car you could hear sobbing since the windows were down, and Mags and i were crying on the drive way. poor Mags has been crying most of the day saying "i can't watch Cinderella, it reminds me of them!" "i just miss my sisters" "who am i ever going to play with" "i loved them soooooo much" and many other sweet things. and she is simply voicing what all of our hearts are saying. 

God blessed us with the visit of this dear, dear family in so many ways and we can't wait for them to get home so we can skype them! 

Monday, July 9, 2012

when friends become family-CWD Friends for Life 2012

i've been staring at a blank page and blinking cursor for a long while now. replaying the many scenes of last week. 

the hugs, the tears, the laughter, the fist bumps and high fives, the D-mom insisting you take her crackers and makes you sit until you feel better, the eye rolls, the 3am conversations that don't quite make sense but mean the world, the inside jokes, the introductions that go like this "hi! i'm shay! great to finally meet you" *blank stare* *lightbulb moment* "oh you mean justsamechanges?" "yup, yup that's what i mean" *hugging ensues*, the beeps and alarms that, for once aren't yours, the Perkins run at 2 in the morning, and even the prayers. 

 all of it. 

all of the little moments that turn online into offline, strangers into friends and friends into family. i am lucky to be able to say i have one heck of a family-both my blood family and my insulin family. 
some of my insulin family.
 *photo belongs to Kerri. i just borrowed it from FB
i have much more to write, many more stories to tell, but first i need another nap and a big glass of water. both of which i did not have enough of this week. but seriously, you don't go to FFL to catch up on sleep or drink water, especially when there's red drink and diet dr. pepper (aka-filth to a wonderful Aussie named Simon) 

Sunday, June 24, 2012

while i should have been packing tonight, i have been day dreaming. now i don't often let myself just sit down to think and dream. but i did and it was lovely. i learned tonight that dreaming does have it's place, within reason, and that sometimes it is just what the doctor ordered.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

i am in a flurry of excitement and packing with only one week until i board the plane to head to FL for the best week of the year! So many friends are getting to come this year and i am beyond thrilled that i am joining them for the second year in a row! yay!

Saturday, June 16, 2012


sometimes, just once in awhile i wish i could share diabetes with someone for a day. not give it to them, just let them try it on for size. then maybe they'd understand just a little. understand that the reason i am sitting in the car while everyone else is cleaning up is not because i am being lazy and getting out of work. it's just because my world is literally spinning around and the only thing i can think of is juice and sleep. understand that i snapped not because i am rude or upset but because being high creates feelings i can't control. diabetes has had the upper hand the last few weeks and i hate it. 

i hate it. 

i don't want it anymore. i want to be done with highs, the lows, the pricks, the pills, the weight that just won't come off, the sites that itch, the sensors that hurt and bleed, the tubing that is a magnet for doorknobs and the brain power it takes EVERY DAY. without end.

 i am just having a crappy time. it won't last, i know. but right here, in this moment its real and hard and really hard. 

Monday, May 28, 2012

Thankful for SOLDIERS and FAMILIES who serve and selflessly leave their homes, their extended families, their comfort, their possessions and follow orders every day!!!
Family members who have served.......
Major Bobby S. Nicholson, Steve D. Bodak, Sr., John B. Bodak- USS Argonnaut, James Bodak, Andrew Bodak, Edward Lohr, Charles Lohr, David C. Nicholson, Corporal E-4 Steve D. Bodak, Jr., CSM Randall Johnston, William C. Sale, Sgt. E-5 John Raymond Bodak, Rex David Nicholson, 1Lt. David Bodak, LTC John Frink...with many others I've forgotten or never known! 

Friends who have or still are serving........
CSM Rodney Caesar, SFC Dick West, Marcus and Morgan Luttrell-brothers and Navy Seals, Bill Henderson, Fred Yakush, Carl Dooley, Joseph Laehu, Richard Pine, Dan Baumhardt, Richard Bartosh, Clint McWhorter, Stewart Taylor, Robert Boone, Steve Burzlaff, Frank Morrisey, SFC Tom Hordnes, Patrick Schanley, Jesse Pratt, Peter Schrantz, Jonathan Moss, Col. Kirk Eggleston, Jesse Steltzer, Dennis Coker, Michelle Smith, Patrick Buckley, CPT Keith Herzog, Seth Hill, Jesse Brewer- Navy Seal, Micah Ables- West Point, Katherine Hill, Drew Schroeder, Alan Martinez, Patrick Morrisey and many others. We honor you today and every day!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

#DBlogWeek-Day 4-Fantasy Device/Little Things

Today let’s tackle an idea inspired by Bennet of Your Diabetes May Vary.  Tell us what your Fantasy Diabetes Device would be?  Think of your dream blood glucose checker, delivery system for insulin or other meds, magic carb counter, etc etc etc.  The sky is the limit – what would you love to see?

there have been some awesome ideas running around the DOC with today's prompt! some companies should take note. Kim over at Texting My Pancreas had one of my favorite ideas. A Bigi instead of Siri. oh yes! 

when i was younger i always wanted a meter that would let you play games on it. if you were within range for 5 consecutive bg tests you got one life star kinda thing. last year i saw that childhood dream come to life. Bayer Didget has something very much like my idea. *i even have one to play with* 

then as a teen i thought how cool it would be to have a meter that could double as a cell phone. iBGStar, anyone?

these days i tend to want things like an artificial pancreas and seemingly little things that will make life just that much easier. while many things are in the works, the FDA is a little slow on the get it done-ness...
the APP is something that excites me because, like many others, i don't expect a cure in my lifetime. honestly, i am ok with that. while i hate that so many people live with Type 1 Diabetes, and many more are diagnosed daily, for me the promise of a cure is a little far fetched.  what i want are things that will help us right here and right now. low suspend for our pumps, better accuracy for our meters, faster acting insulin, smaller CGM "harpoons", and an Artificial Pancreas. those are my Fantasy D Devices. seemingly small when the sky is the limit, but life changing nevertheless.  

*disclaimer-ing: none of the companies i mentioned above asked me to blog about any of their items, nor do i have any benefits by doing so...not that i would mind it. :) * 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

#DBlogWeek-Day 3-One Thing to Improve

Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at.  Today let’s look at the flip-side.  We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!

i am pretty sure i am not the only one who had trouble picking just one thing. sometimes, well most times, i feel like i am terrible when it comes to diabetes control and care. there are so many things i could improve on..on yesterdays post i listed some things that i am not so good at...remembering to bolus, changing sites regularly (i DO rotate faithfully though) checking before i start my car...not halfway down the drive, name it, i prolly need some work on it.

but one thing i would improve would be testing first thing in the morning. somehow when my alarm goes off at 5:30 everything but testing enters my head. i know i really need that starting number, especially since my students don't really need a low and sleepy teacher...

goal: test every morning for one week (baby steps, right?) before i put my feet on the floor. 

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

one great thing-day 2

 One Great Thing - Tuesday 5/15
Living with diabetes (or caring for someone who lives with it) sure does take a lot of work, and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves if we aren’t “perfect”.  But today it’s time to give ourselves some much deserved credit.  Tell us about just one diabetes thing you (or your loved one) does spectacularly!  Fasting blood sugar checks, oral meds sorted and ready, something always on hand to treat a low, or anything that you do for diabetes.  Nothing is too big or too small to celebrate doing well! 

hmm well....fasting Bg checks? nope. remembers to bolus for everything? nope. takes meds on time and daily...sometimes. never forgets pump on the bathroom sink while leaving for work? well...nope...doesn't over treat lows? yeah..not. logs? you mean like writing down bgs or cutting down trees? well, either way its a big fat NO. though cutting down trees might be the more likely thing to happen. 

after a running discourse of all the things i don't do and kinda feeling like i am a pretty lousy PWD sometimes, my sister came up with "most likely to have every supply you could possibly need at any point in time" yeah, pretty true. i over pack. i am over prepared for anything diabetes related. i can supply all my friends with at least a days worth of supplies when i travel.  

so my one great thing is i am totally prepared about 90.2% of the time. 

diabetes blog week post 1-find a friend

better late than never, right?

 i am excited to be joining the crew for Diabetes Blog Week! Karen has done a great job putting this all together for three years in a row and i am glad to be part of it for the first time....even if i am a little late to the party.

Find a Friend- It seems the most popular thing about Diabetes Blog Week is that it helps us find blogs we weren’t reading yet and connect with some new blog friends.  With that in mind, let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by making some new connections.  Think about the d-blogs you read that you think we may not know about and introduce us to one that you love!!

oh my stars! pick just one? no's impossible. the DOC is so very full of wonderful, fabulous, caring, funny, strong, encouraging, bright, knowledgeable (i could go on) people who all have different things to offer. i am blessed to have met a handful of the bloggers in person and hope to meet many more.

*after sitting here for much too long thinking about one blog..* 

i can't. i haven't had the time to find too many new blogs, just keeping up with the "oldies" is enough right now and there is no way i can pick from the long list of blogs (and people) who have helped me along the way. 

there is Kim who's blog was the first one i stumbled upon. if i remember correctly i randomly googled "adults with type 1 need support too" or something along those lines and then spent the next few hours shedding some tears and nodding my head. relieved that i was not the only one and excited to find a WHOLE BLOG ROLL of PWD that i could relate to. not to mention her cartoons and just self in general are pretty stinkin' awesome. 

from Kim's blog i found Scott who posted all of his A1Cs online...reading them made me feel empowered. knowing there was someone else who was not always the "perfect" 6.0 but still worked at it was a great kick in the pants. 

from Scott i found Kerri and pretty much wanted to jump on the first flight to her state, just to hug her. Kerri is awesome and is always good for a laugh or some nitty gritty, hit home kinda posts. her's is prolly the one blog i don't skip a day...and from hers i found and find a whole crew of other wonderful people.  

like Jess.  Jess made me cry. lots. in a good way. she was able to put into words some of the emotions i felt/feel when i first found the DOC. Jess is every bit as sweet and caring in person as she in online. always encouraging and often the first to comment or reply with a kind word. her blog is full of tear jerking honesty, some fun moments, lots of great pictures, fun tweets and just lots of DOC love. Jess also was the first to volunteer when i tweeted i needed some help putting in an arm sensor in FL...that's just what friends do...they shoot each other with harpoons and make the process just that much better. 

then last summer i got to meet all of these bloggers and many more at CWD FFL11. 

there was George who i like to blame for my addiction love of Goofy's Sour Cherry Balls. (the perfect low treat..ment.)
and Sara who taught me how to use Tweetchat for #dsma (life changing moment right there!) Sara is an awesome woman who seems to live every moment to the utmost...all of which i enjoy reading about. 

oh and C and Brian...who i actually thought were siblings for the first day...or two...after i met them. they aren't by the way. both are super hilarious both in person and on twitter...(#complexcrabs still crack me up) 

 of course there is Karen who was the very first PWD i saw in FL when i went to FFL. we were standing in line to get on the shuttle and either i checked and she bolused or vice verse, either way we were both there in line, knowing pretty much what we were both doing there but not sure enough to say hello (hi, my name is Shay and i am too durn shy sometimes). anyway, we got on the shuttle and i got on twitter to see if it really WAS Karen. yeah, it was. and we were tweeting the same things on the ride to the hotel. i will forever regret not being a bit more bold...

and Martin and Scott and Lorraine and Jacquie and the list could go on and on in an endless scrolling motion..

seriously, each of these blogs and the people behind them have added something to my life in one way or another. Helped me to laugh, changed the way i care for myself,  helped me see the silver lining, and have been there-done that. and this is only a small portion of the blogs and people i love. we all share the "me too" factor and that, dear friends, is powerful. 

Thursday, April 19, 2012

i miss blogging. i need to sit down and spill. in fact, i have a whole 10 days of vacation in FL where i will be doing just the pool...with a cold drink and sunglasses. oh i cannot wait! 

Monday, January 16, 2012

i'm selling my car. 
i suppose it is a good thing, but she is going to the scrap yard and i feel a bit like i am selling my great aunt to 
an organ harvester. 
morbid? yeah just a bit. 
but i love this dear old piece of junk. 

on our way to TN. i made Sarah drive most always. 
Verruca was my first car, a gift from my parents upon my graduation from high school
i was cleaning her out tonight and thinking of all of the memories that have been 
made with that silly old car. 

such as 
on our way to harmony hill! loaded! 

just driving down the road..
  • my first blow out. at night. driving across the country. at night. on the highway. 
  • driving with my dear friend, helping him study (reading and driving is not good) and stopping on the side of the road to smell the hay field. 
  • cramming eight people in to go find some indian food and getting lost in Nashville. oh, the funny part? the three full grown guys piled in the rear facing rumble seat, writing notes to those behind us at stop lights. 
  • rolling the windows and sunroof down, turning the radio full blast (before the speakers blew, that it) and just driving. 
  • always carrying 2 keys since one would always get stuck in the door. 
  • getting lost. often.
  • the mice that lived in my A/C duct. when i turned it on baby mice and bits of the nest would fall out of the intake. eww! thank you teenage boys for taking care of it!
  • all the places we went.
  • burning my legs on the leather seats in July.
  • the smell when the can of air freshener blew lasted for ever. 
  • the night my parents took me to test drive her, falling in love and then them saying no, only to get a key for graduation. 
  • the talks that have been had in that car.
  • the prayers and tears that have been had in that car. 
  • the things that have been carried in that car. 
  • the bonding that happened in that car. 
just a glimpse of some of the memories that have been made thanks to that crazy, money sucking, wonderful old car. 

i know its just a bunch of rubber, metal, plastic, and leather but i am still a bit sad as another chapter of my life ends. 
thanks for the memories. 

Saturday, January 7, 2012

on the subject of life-

it is all what you allow God to make it. you can screw it up all you want. He is the one that makes it beautiful when you let him.

Friday, January 6, 2012

He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair.....

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me....

I will sing because I am happy.....

Though none go with me, still I will follow.....

Peace like a river.....
what do you do when you don't know what to do?

where do you go when you don't know where to go?

how to you leap when you can't even take the first step?

i wish i had answers. i wish God would send me some writing in the sky.

i spent today planning out the next six months of school, work (such as all the million places i need to look for a job at), how i am going to save for a car when i hardly make enough to stay in the black as it is, where my life is going, where my like should be going and generally stressing myself out.

i came to the conclusion that planning is a cursed blessing. sure, i got a few things accomplished. but in the big picture i spend the day going in circles.

job>car>job>school>over and over and over with a few other things thrown in there.

see the circles i have been going in?

and you want to know what it boils down to?

fear. lack of trust. worry.

if Christ came back tomorrow i would have nothing to show for today except how much of the day i spent worrying over things that, in the long run, are not the end of the world.

you know the answers to the questions up there?

you read and pray and trust when you don't know what to do.

you don't go anywhere but to your knees when you don't know where to go.

you follow and He will show you where to leap and how to take that first step.