life lessons..on repeat

the lesson of realizing "good intentions, in the end, are still just intentions." seems to one of the ones i just can't grasp. i am usually a very get-it-done-no-matter-how-late-or-tired-you-are person. but lately i am a i-don't-think-i-am-going-to-start-that-just-now-but-tomorrow-will-be-a-good-time kinda person and i really am not liking it. 

for example: i wanted to do the National Health Blog Post challenge of 30 posts in 30 days. i found out about it on day 4 and didn't get to start it till day 5. i tried to get caught up but it just didn't happen. i did what i could do in a few sittings and was almost there, but then life happened (favorite saying..) and my good intentions became plain old intentions. going nowhere, sitting there and collecting dust. i just kept thinking "tonight i will crank some out" "i'll have them done if i do ____ post today"  but oh well..i will just have to try again sometime. until then, 

"You can do anything, but you cannot do everything"

Football+me+6 year old boy=lol!

So I have been having football "lessons" twice a week for a few weeks now. * I think I am a hopeless case..my coach seems to see something there.....He is 6...Oh boy oh boy...

day 5

 NHBPM November 5, -5 things that changed my life. For better? For worse? List 5 things that changed your life as a patient, caregiver, or Health Activist and how.

five things that have changed my life? oh boy...

this was Flo AKA- Florence Nightingale.
 she was replaced by a newer model. he is purple and is not named yet. any ideas? 

1. my insulin pump- i was around 12 years old when i started pumping, which was perfect timing before i hit my teenage years.  eating what i wanted, when i wanted was amazing. being able to eat and THEN bolus without the 30 minute wait between taking a shot and eating?! heaven.. getting up late? YES! being able to stay over at a friend's? finally! my pump was life changing. not only did it improve my control, it gave me the freedom to be a regular kid...teenager...and now adult, just like everyone one else. only i wear my pancreas on the outside.
   
   
2. finding a endo team that lives with diabetes themselves- HOLY SMOKES BATMAN! you know you are off to a good start when your new CDE mentions the DOC and SWAGing at your first visit. 
      seriously though, having a team that really and truelly understands exactly what you mean when you say "yeah, i was high. my teeth were wearing sweaters and everything" or "today's CGM site was a total gusher."  or "forgot to bolus for my ice cream (which was super bolus-worthy, btw) so my bg totally skyrocketed. so then i rage-bolused and was double downing all night which left me with a gluc-over." or "it's a free shower day!" i mean outside the DOC and the select few PwoD who love us, no one would understand anything i just wrote. having the medical side AND the diabuddy side all rolled into one is the perfect combo. 
   
   
3. my dog-Agatha

   Agatha started alerting to low bgs during the night shortly after i brought her home. she was 4 months old and had been given back to the breeders because she chewed up her owners Persian rugs. it was a all out blessing because i had fallen in love with her as a 6 week old puppy but could NOT afford her. thank God for those chewed up rugs! the breeders called me and asked if i still wanted her. OH MY STARS! YES! 

    when she first started waking me up to lows i honestly thought she was crazy. i had heard it was possible but not without lots and lots of training. i was wrong. i didn't do anything with her gift until one night i was not responsive to her. Aggie took matters into her own paws. she opened my bedroom door and ran across the house to my parents room, woke mom up and dashed back to me and back to mom. over and over until mom got the point and came to check on me. i was pretty darn low. she has a gift and now we are capitalizing on that wonderful gift. i have been training her myself for the last year-ish (we didn't do much "real" work while she was a "teenager"..for obvious reasons..in one ear, out the other kinda thing) but this year she has done sooo great! i am at the point in training that i feel i have exhausted my resources and need some professional help. hopefully as soon as i raise $600 or so we can go to school in WA. in the mean time, she rarely leaves my side and we are both better because of it. i am more confidant to stay by my self, my family and i are not so afraid of night time lows, though they do still scare me but over all, i sleep better at night with her snoring by my side. did i tell you how much i love chewed Persian rugs?? 

     4.  the DOC- if anything, this has been the biggest source of encouragement in my adult years. i stumbled upon Kim's blog when i was at my lowest, diabetically speaking . i was in the middle of some serious burnout and needed to know i was not the only one. i was not the only one who felt like they wanted to smash a meter. i was not the only one who ate everything but the kitchen sink when low in the night. i was not the only one living with this 24/7. boy was i not the only one!

    through Kim i found Scott's blog , Kerri's blog , Jess's blog and many others that helped me in so many ways. i hope they realize that they really did change my life. i was able to work my way out of a very long burn out because of what i read, the links i saw, the challenges they posted about. one thing lead to another and now these people are my friends. in real life. and that is life changing. (and i am tearing up writing this!) through the DOC i remembered i can do this 

   5.  Friends For Life- this is where i meet all the people mentioned above and also Sara, C, Brian,  Heather and Becca the diabetes alert dog, and about a zillion other wonderful PWD! it was amazing. i heard speakers that are top in their fields of study, ate lots of good food that was all carb counted for me, hung out at disney, shed a few happy tears, and felt normal. i loved hearing 20 different pumps going off during sessions. the fact that most people just looked at their OWN pocket was beautiful. at the swimming pool everyone had sites on their body and no body looked at yours and asked "what is that hanging from your arm?". we were all the same. we all had busted pancreai (what is the plural spelling??). oh and a highlight? i needed a new sensor put in and wanted it in my arm. well i have yet to master the art of doing it myself when you can only use one hand. so i tweeted a message and a few seconds later Jess said she would be happy to. so she did, with about 25 other PWD gathered around laughing and talking and enjoying the bond that not everyone is lucky enough to have. oh and i have the honor of being the first person "shot" by Jess...other than herself of course. 

so there you have it. those are my life changers. there are many more such as my family! but that would take a million years to write....

his post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

NHBPM November 4- What happens after you press “publish.” Write about your post-blog-writing process. Do you immediately tweet a link? Email it to everyone? Re-read it for spelling errors?

hahahaha! this will be a pretty short post! my post-blog-writing process tends to be something like this.

• hit publish.
• re-read.
• re-read again. 
• sit and think if i said everything that needs said or if i said too much.
• sit some more.
• re-read bits and pieces to someone and get input.
• hit edit a few times while closing my eyes and hoping i don't lose what i just wrote.
• depending on my subject and mood i may tweet a link or post it to facebook. 
• check and see how many page hits i got for a boost of ego and confidence. 

there you have it, more-or-less. nothing special. sometimes i don't even do all of that if it is something i just want to get out and be done with....

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

a letter

i first saw this a few days into to National Health Blog Post Month and thought it would be a fun thing to participate in since it is diabetes awareness month. 


since i am starting late i decided instead of trying to get completely caught up i would start on the prompt from the day i first heard about NGBPM. maybe i can catch up from there..to keep record i am going to date this post as thursday, november 3rd, fyi.




Dear 18 year old me. Write a letter to yourself when you were 18. Be sure to tell yourself what to do more of, what to do less of, and what you have to look forward to in the next few (or several) years.


dear 18 year old me,


let me start off by saying I WISH 30 YEAR OLD ME WOULD WRITE US A LETTER RIGHT ABOUT NOW! now wouldn't that be helpful....!


anyway....


congrats on turning 18! that party will be talked about for years to come! especially the fact that a diabetic had an all-out-hold-nothing-back-eat-till-you-are-sick chocolate party..yep, you (we? i? not sure how this whole time travel things works..) totally rock. 


but i know 18 was the start of the "worrying years". you worried about dad coming home after 2 years of deployment. worried about graduation and life after, worried about what God's plan is for you. worried about work. worried about your friends that seem to be losing their minds. worried about the fact that you really do not want to deal with anything diabetes related. you worried, but you were excited and expectant too. it is a crazy mix of emotions. 


i wish i could tell you the next 5 years get better and that it is all rainbows and happy days.. but darling, it is not. there are mountains to climb, molehills to fret over, battles to fight, fears to face and problems to solve. but, there will be lots of good things too, so don't worry. you will be stretched, pulled, tried, and it is all a beautiful part of God's plan for your (our) life. 


graduation will be fun! don't worry, nothing embarrassing happens when you walk across the stage. enjoy every moment of it! it goes so very fast. hug dad a few more times that day. he is having a hard time thinking that when he left you were a little girl still struggling through math and living for the outdoors and how he missed you growing up, learning to drive, wearing make-up and all that goes with becoming an adult.


after graduation you and your best friend  will pack up way too much in the back of your volvo (you got a station wagon for graduation. pretend to be excited, 'cause em really does try hard to keep it a secret) and head to TN. you will LOVE every second of working at Above Rubies. living with your bff will teach you many things (and yes, she does marry him) and some of the friends you make will last.


while you are there you will get a phone call late one night, it is mom telling you that she is going to have a baby. be careful running up the stairs to tell the girls, otherwise you will twist your ankle. mags will be born a few months after you move back home. and its the best thing in the world. enjoy every second of it. you will pull these memories out for years to come.


i am not going to lie. those few months between moving back home, moving to the new house and mags being born are going to be the hardest ones you face until you are 23. but you survive and you don't get sent to jail for wanting to kill some people. living in the little house with a pregnant mother, a new friend who needs a place to stay, your dad after not for two years, and trying to figure out your life is stressful. trust me, i know! don't worry about your high a1c, stress does that to us..


in fact, don't worry about it for a while. the next few years will be rough in the diabetes area. you will be totally and completely burnt out. some-days you will test maybe 1 or 2 times, forget to bolus and you will tone out anyone who tries to say something. it's ok. really. you don't ever have an a1c higher than 9, even though its bad...its not the end of the world. you may want to consider exercising a little more. i wish i would have now....really though, it is all a learning process and you will be better for it. 


between 18 and 23 a lot happens. life. is. lived! you mess up, you win big, you grow, and you wish you could be 10 again. but kid, you do great! you are the example, you are the leader and so many look up to you because of the fruit they see in your life. really. don't try to understand it, just take it and run with it..and don't forget who is blessing you. 


here are a couple tips i wish i would have known: 

• between then and now there will be several guys that come along. it gets overwhelming but it's kinda fun too. oh..the proposal? yeah, say no and watch what happens when you get here. its pretty funny. there will be some tears cried...but trust me when i say "don't drag it out". say no and let your no be no. got it? yeah me either...
• find the DOC sooner! it was a life changing moment when I first read Kim's blog over at http://www.textingmypancreas.com/. one thing will lead to another and soon you will find yourself in FL   @ FFL with 1000s of other type 1 diabetics. it will be amazing. you will meet friends who GET IT and it will make a difference in how you care for yourself. YOU CAN DO IT! 
• don't hesitate so long about CollegePlus! it is great. every bit of it. 
• your sister will become your best friend.. she will also put in all of your arm sites when you get a cgm. teach her earlier than you think..
• make more time to spend in God's word. at some points it will be the only thing that makes sense in your life. 
• it is hard growing up and still living in your parents house. but it is doable and it is worth it. keep at it. keep smoothing things over. your people skills will be put to good use. 
• last but not least: stop being afraid. just stop it. do the things you want, say what needs said, have that adventure. just do it. 

so, there you have it. there are many many thoughts, events, plans, people and things i left out. those you will have to find out about on your own. 

keep your chin and remember, You Can Do It. 

Me

This post was written as part of NHBPM – 30 health posts in 30 days: http://bit.ly/vU0g9J

i first saw this a few days into to National Health Blog Post Month and thought it would be a fun thing to participate in since it is diabetes awareness month. 


since i am starting late i decided instead of trying to get completely caught up i would start on the prompt from the day i first heard about NGBPM. maybe i can catch up from there..to keep record i am going to date this post as thursday, november 3rd, fyi.




Dear 18 year old me. Write a letter to yourself when you were 18. Be sure to tell yourself what to do more of, what to do less of, and what you have to look forward to in the next few (or several) years.


dear 18 year old me,


congrats on turning 18! that party will be talked about for years to come! especially the fact that a diabetic had an all-out-hold-nothing-back-eat-till-you-are-sick chocolate party..yep, you (we? i? not sure how this whole time travel things works..) totally rock. 


but i know you are worried. worried about dad coming home after 2 years of deployment. worried about graduation and life after, worried about what God's plan is for you. worried about work. worried about your friends that seem to be losing their minds. worried about love and lack of it .worried about the fact that you really do not want to deal with anything diabetes related. just worried, underneath all those smiles and the excitement. 


i wish i could tell you the next 5 years get better. but darling, they are just filled different kinds of battles. there will be lots of good things too, so don't worry. but you will be stretched, pulled, tried, and it is all a beautiful part of God's plan for your (our) life. 


graduation will be fun! don't worry, nothing embarrassing happens when you walk across the stage. enjoy every moment of it! it goes so very fast. hug dad a few more times that day. he is having a hard time thinking that when he left you were a little girl still struggling through math and living for the outdoors and how he missed you growing up, learning to drive, wearing make-up and all that goes with it. oh and bring a few extra socks and a new pair of shoes on the trip to Disney World...yours don't hold up so well. 


after graduation you and your best friend, Beth, will pack up way too much in the back of your volvo (you got a station wagon for graduation. you love it. it serves you well till you are 23 and it has 300.000+ miles on it.) and head to TN. you will LOVE every second of working at Above Rubies. living with your bff will teach you many things (and yes, she does marry him) and the friends you make will last for a long time...well most anyway. 


while you are there you will get a phone call late one night, it is mom telling you that she is going to have a baby. be careful running up the stairs to tell the girls, otherwise you will twist your ankle. mags will be born a few months after you move back home. and its the best thing in the world. 


i am not going to lie. those few months between moving back home, moving to the new house and mags being born are going to be the hardest ones you face until you are 23. but you survive and you don't get sent to jail for wanting to kill some people. living in the little house with a pregnant mother, a new friend who needs a place to stay, your dad after not for two years, and trying to figure out your life is stressful. trust me, i know! 


it will cause you to start your own business. it is successful, so don't listen to the naysayers. in fact, you will have a waiting list for YEARS! 

today is type 1 diabetes day. a whole day just for me and the 2,999,999 other people living with type 1 diabetes in the nation. today also kicks off diabetes awareness month, and the Big Blue Test leading up to November 14- world diabetes day. on November 14th buildings and monuments from all over the world will glow blue in honor of those living with diabetes. how cool is that!? pretty darn..

this month i will be posting a little bit more about what life is like with diabetes, some interesting facts, and some diabetes truths. if you have a question, just ask! i would love to answer. 

oh and watch the video and SHARE! :D