i'm selling my car. 

i suppose it is a good thing, but she is going to the scrap yard and i feel a bit like i am selling my great aunt to 

an organ harvester. 

morbid? yeah just a bit. 

but i love this dear old piece of junk. 

. 

on our way to TN. i made Sarah drive most always. 

 

Verruca was my first car, a gift from my parents upon my graduation from high school

i was cleaning her out tonight and thinking of all of the memories that have been 

made with that silly old car. 

such as 

on our way to harmony hill! loaded! 

just driving down the road..

• my first blow out. at night. driving across the country. at night. on the highway. 
• driving with my dear friend, helping him study (reading and driving is not good) and stopping on the side of the road to smell the hay field. 
• cramming eight people in to go find some indian food and getting lost in Nashville. oh, the funny part? the three full grown guys piled in the rear facing rumble seat, writing notes to those behind us at stop lights. 
• rolling the windows and sunroof down, turning the radio full blast (before the speakers blew, that it) and just driving. 
• always carrying 2 keys since one would always get stuck in the door. 
• getting lost. often.
• the mice that lived in my A/C duct. when i turned it on baby mice and bits of the nest would fall out of the intake. eww! thank you teenage boys for taking care of it!
• all the places we went.
• burning my legs on the leather seats in July.
• the smell when the can of air freshener blew up...it lasted for ever. 
• the night my parents took me to test drive her, falling in love and then them saying no, only to get a key for graduation. 
• the talks that have been had in that car.
• the prayers and tears that have been had in that car. 
• the things that have been carried in that car. 
• the bonding that happened in that car. 

just a glimpse of some of the memories that have been made thanks to that crazy, money sucking, wonderful old car. 

i know its just a bunch of rubber, metal, plastic, and leather but i am still a bit sad as another chapter of my life ends. 

thanks for the memories. 

on the subject of life-

it is all what you allow God to make it. you can screw it up all you want. He is the one that makes it beautiful when you let him.

He gives beauty for ashes, strength for fear, gladness for mourning, and peace for despair.....

His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me....

I will sing because I am happy.....

Though none go with me, still I will follow.....

Peace like a river.....

what do you do when you don't know what to do?

where do you go when you don't know where to go?

how to you leap when you can't even take the first step?

i wish i had answers. i wish God would send me some writing in the sky.

i spent today planning out the next six months of school, work (such as all the million places i need to look for a job at), how i am going to save for a car when i hardly make enough to stay in the black as it is, where my life is going, where my like should be going and generally stressing myself out.

i came to the conclusion that planning is a cursed blessing. sure, i got a few things accomplished. but in the big picture i spend the day going in circles.

job>car>job>school>over and over and over with a few other things thrown in there.

see the circles i have been going in?

and you want to know what it boils down to?

fear. lack of trust. worry.

if Christ came back tomorrow i would have nothing to show for today except how much of the day i spent worrying over things that, in the long run, are not the end of the world.

you know the answers to the questions up there?

you read and pray and trust when you don't know what to do.

you don't go anywhere but to your knees when you don't know where to go.

you follow and He will show you where to leap and how to take that first step.